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    1774208

    Vizitka naposledy upravena:
    27. ledna v 18:48

    Styl vizitky:
    Green Day, © Micíkoli

    scrawny_mthrfckr

    Moje přezdívka: scrawny_mthrfckr
    voříšek

    S Alíkem kamarádím už 192 dní. Jsem kluk. Je mi 16 let. Místo, kde bydlím, se jmenuje Gilneas City. Mezi moje zájmy patří cestování, divadlo, filmy, hry, hudba, internet, knihy, nové technologie, počítače, sběratelství, politika, věda a technika, vesmír. Naposledy jsem Alíka navštívil letos 17. února, nyní jsem offline. Moji vizitku už navštívilo 25 kamarádů.

    Přihlas se a přidej si mě mezi své kamarády.

    Co chci říct světu:

    SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD

    Written by

    Edgar Wright & Michael Bacall


    Based On The Graphic Novels by

    Bryan Lee O'Malley

    May 13, 2010

    1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1

    Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:

    KIM PINE (O.S.)
    Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?

    2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' KITCHEN - DAY 2

    Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.
    STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Really? Is she hot?
    KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.

    KIM PINE
    How old are you now, Scott? Like
    twenty-eight?

    SCOTT
    I'm not playing your little games.

    KIM PINE
    So you've been out of high school
    for like, 13 years and-

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    I'm twenty-two. Twenty-two!

    STEPHEN STILLS
    And you're dating a high school
    girl? Not bad, not bad.
    YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Like, did you guys 'do it' yet?
    SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
    unruly yet adorable mop of hair.

    SCOTT
    We have done many things. We ride
    the bus. We have meaningful
    conversations about how yearbook
    club went and about her friends
    and, um...you know...drama.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Yeah, okay, have you even kissed her?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 1A.

    2 CONTINUED: 2

    SCOTT
    We almost held hands once, but then
    she got embarrassed.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 2.

    2 CONTINUED: (2) 2

    KIM PINE
    Well. Aren't you pleased as punch?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    So, what's her name?

    SCOTT
    (pleased as punch)
    Knives Chau. She's Chinese.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    (under his breath)
    Chinese...
    Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Wicked! How'd you meet her?

    SCOTT
    I believe I mentioned the bus?
    Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:

    3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3

    KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
    sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.

    MOTHER CHAU
    You are seventeen year old! Time to
    get interested in boy!

    KNIVES CHAU
    Mom!
    Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.

    MOTHER CHAU
    You drop book.
    Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    Hey...
    Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
    holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:

    "SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."
    Stars appear in Knives's eyes. Scott grins heroically. Scott
    winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 2A.

    4 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' KITCHEN - DAY 4

    Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...

    KIM PINE
    Is that seriously the end of the story?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 3.

    4 CONTINUED: 4

    SCOTT
    Yes. It is.
    Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    So when do we get to meet her?

    KIM PINE
    Oh please. Let it be soon.
    DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.

    SCOTT
    That's for me.

    5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 5

    An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a crack.

    SCOTT
    You promise to be good?

    KNIVES CHAU
    Of course I'll be good!

    SCOTT
    No, really. Please be good.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Am I normally not?
    Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.

    SCOTT
    Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
    Stills. He's the talent.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Hey.
    STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Is she gonna geek out on us?

    SCOTT
    She'll just sit in the corner, man.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    I mean, I want her to geek out on us.

    SCOTT
    She'll geek. She geeks. She has the
    capacity to geek.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 3A.

    5 CONTINUED: 5
    Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 4.

    5 CONTINUED: (2) 5

    STEPHEN STILLS
    You're good.

    6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 6

    Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
    Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Wow.

    SCOTT
    Knives, that's Kim. Lemme get your coat.
    Scott throws Knives' coat on the floor. Knives waves.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Hi, sorry, what was your name?

    KIM PINE (O.S.)
    Kim.

    KNIVES CHAU
    You play the drums?
    REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.

    KIM PINE
    ...yes.

    KNIVES CHAU
    That is so awesome.

    SCOTT
    Knives, that's Young Neil.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Hi. What do you play?

    YOUNG NEIL
    Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that's
    kind of a big question.
    Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Oh. I'm not in the band. I just
    live here.
    Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.

    SCOTT
    Let's start with Launchpad McQuack.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    That's not the actual title of the-

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 5.

    6 CONTINUED: 6

    KIM PINE

    WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!
    Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK! GUITAR

    AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR TITLE...

    SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
    TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
    seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
    unintelligable lyrics.
    Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback lingering.

    KNIVES CHAU
    You guys...are so...amazing.

    7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7

    Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I can't even...Sex Bob-Omb.
    Amazing.

    8 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' ROOM - EVENING 8

    The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills' room.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    She seems nice.

    SCOTT
    Yeaaah.

    YOUNG NEIL
    She seems awesome.

    SCOTT
    Yeaaah.

    KIM PINE
    Scott, if your life had a face I
    would punch it.

    SCOTT
    Yeaaah...wait, what?

    KIM PINE
    I mean, are you really happy or are
    you really evil?

    SCOTT
    Like, do I have ulterior motives or
    something? I'm offended, Kim.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 6.

    8 CONTINUED: 8

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Wounded even?

    SCOTT
    Hurt, Kim.

    KIM PINE
    You? Hurt?
    Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.

    SCOTT
    Neil, you were saying she seems awesome.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Yeah, she seems awesome.

    SCOTT
    Yeaaaah...

    9 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - EVENING 9

    Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
    turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow, disloyal.

    "WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS GAY!"

    SCOTT
    Before you hear some dirty lies
    from someone else, yes, I'm dating
    a 17 year old.
    Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he's reading.

    WALLACE
    Is he cute?

    SCOTT
    Ha, ha, ha, ha.

    WALLACE
    Does this mean we have to stop
    sleeping together?

    SCOTT
    Do you see another bed in here?
    TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in the
    one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.

    WALLACE
    Yeah. You're totally my bitch forever.

    SCOTT
    So. The whole seventeen year old
    thing. Don't tell too many people.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 6A.

    9 CONTINUED: 9

    WALLACE
    Hey, you know me.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 7.

    9 CONTINUED: (2) 9

    SCOTT
    I mean. Don't tell my sister.

    WALLACE
    You know me.
    Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.

    SCOTT
    Who are you texting?
    RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.

    STACEY (O.S.)
    Seventeen years old? Scandal!
    Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing on
    her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads 'œIf
    you are using your cellphone, you will not be served'.

    "STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: 'T' FOR TEEN."

    SCOTT
    That's not true. Who told you?

    STACEY
    Wallace. Duh.

    SCOTT
    That gossipy bitch.

    WALLACE (O.S.)
    You know me.
    Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.

    SCOTT
    Wallace!
    Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.

    STACEY
    Who is this mysterious child you date?

    SCOTT
    Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.

    STACEY
    A seventeen year old Chinese
    schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.

    SCOTT
    It's a Catholic school too.

    STACEY
    With the uniform and everything?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 8.

    9 CONTINUED: (3) 9

    SCOTT
    Yeah, the whole deal.

    STACEY
    Oh my God, you haven't-

    SCOTT
    No no no. We haven't even held
    hands. I think she hugged me once.

    STACEY
    Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?

    SCOTT
    I don't know...it's just nice, you
    know? It's just...simple.

    STACEY
    It's been over a year since you got
    dumped by she-who-will-not-be-named.
    Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
    looking into the HOT GIRL'S EYES on the back cover album ad.

    STACEY (CONT'D)
    So, are you legitimately moving on,
    or is this just you being insane?
    Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles next
    to a hot redhead in happier times.

    SCOTT
    Can I get back to you on that?
    A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...

    10 EXT. CATHOLIC SCHOOL - DAY 10

    Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
    Uniformed boys and girls pour out.

    WALLACE
    I do not want to be here. At all.

    SCOTT
    This school has boys too.

    WALLACE
    I hate you. Even I would think twice
    about dating a seventeen year old.

    SCOTT
    Well, she's only allowed out when
    the sun is up, so I wouldn't call
    it dating, more like...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 8A.

    10 CONTINUED: 10

    WALLACE
    Playtime?

    SCOTT
    That doesn't sound so good either.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 9.

    10 CONTINUED: (2) 10

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
    Scott! Heyyyy!
    Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers behind.

    SCOTT
    Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
    roommate, Wallace Wells. He's gay.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
    my class is gay?

    WALLACE
    Yes. Does he wear glasses?

    SCOTT
    Wallace, you go now! Begone!
    Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.

    WALLACE
    You're too good for him. Run.

    11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11

    Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a martial
    arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).
    They punch and kick in unison, side by side.

    SCOTT
    Did you know the original name of Pac-
    man was Puck-man? You would think it's
    because Pac-Man looks like a yellow
    hockey puck, but actually it comes
    from the Japanese phrase paku-paku
    which means to flap ones mouth open
    and closed. They changed it over here
    because Puck-Man is too easy to
    vandalize. You know, scratch out the P
    and turn it into an F or whatever?
    Knives flips over Scott's back in a COMBO move.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Ohmigod, like...wow.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. Wow.
    The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down: 10...9...8...
    Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh, I got it!

    INTEGRATED FINAL 10.

    12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12

    Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Tamara is into this Korean guy,
    Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
    has a crush on Mina.

    SCOTT
    I thought Derek and Tamara had a
    mutual like-each-other thing going,
    what happened?

    A13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY A13

    Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I don't listen to much music. I
    know a lot of kids who play piano
    or whatever, but you guys ROCK.

    SCOTT
    I knew I personally rocked, but I
    never suspected that we rocked as a
    unit. Thank you, Knives.

    13 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 13

    Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.

    SCOTT
    Well, we're already pretty big. But
    it might be cool if cool people
    wore our T-shirt.
    Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:

    "JULIE, 22, STILLS' GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?"

    KNIVES CHAU
    Excuse me, do you have anything by
    'The Clash At Demonhead'?

    JULIE
    Have you tried the section marked
    'The Clash At Demonhead'?

    SCOTT
    Thank you, Julie.

    JULIE
    Are you coming to my party Friday
    or will you be busy babysitting?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 10A.

    13 CONTINUED: 13

    SCOTT
    Thank you, Julie.

    (TO KNIVES)
    You don't want to listen to her.

    (MORE)

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 11.

    13 CONTINUED: (2) 13

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    And you definitely don't want to
    listen to them.
    Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh, I heart them so much.

    SCOTT
    I hearted them too until they signed
    to a major label and the singer turned
    into a total bitch and ruined my life.
    But that's just me.

    KNIVES CHAU

    (OBLIVIOUS)
    Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
    read her blog?

    SCOTT
    Sorry, you were saying about me?

    14 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET - DAY 14

    Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I mean, I've...I've never gone out
    with someone so talented.

    SCOTT
    You go out with a lot of guys?

    KNIVES CHAU
    ...no.

    SCOTT
    Yeah, so whatever, man!

    KNIVES CHAU
    I've never even kissed a guy.
    Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.

    SCOTT
    Me neither.

    15 EXT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - DAY 15

    Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace's apartment.

    KNIVES CHAU
    So this is your secret lair? Can I
    come in?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 12.

    15 CONTINUED: 15

    SCOTT
    My secret lair is one of those 'no
    girls allowed' deals.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh, okay.

    SCOTT
    But do you want to see the house
    where I grew up?

    KNIVES CHAU
    Sure.
    They literally walk across the street to a small house.

    SCOTT
    Here you go.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Wow.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. Wow.
    Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...

    16 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 16

    ...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to his
    knees next to a lonely cactus.

    SCOTT
    Oh God...so...so alone.
    A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands. She
    wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her pink
    hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert sun.

    MYSTERIOUS GIRL
    You're not alone. You're just
    having some idiotic dream.

    SCOTT
    Does that mean we can make out?
    But she's gone...

    17 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - ? 17

    ...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.

    SCOTT
    Oh God...
    Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 13.

    17 CONTINUED: 17

    WALLACE
    What is it, Scott?

    SCOTT
    I had this totally weird dream.

    OTHER VOICE
    Oh God.

    WALLACE
    What is it, Scott?
    A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and Wallace:

    "OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE'S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY CURIOUS"

    OTHER SCOTT
    Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
    not interested.

    SCOTT
    But there was this girl...

    WALLACE
    Girl?

    OTHER SCOTT
    Was this an Envy related dream?

    WALLACE
    We don't use the E-word in this house.

    SCOTT
    No, it wasn't her. It was somebody new...

    OTHER SCOTT
    Yay for that.
    Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.

    WALLACE
    Speaking of new, weren't you
    supposed to take your fake high
    school girlfriend to the library a
    half-hour ago?

    SCOTT
    What? It's like, six in the morning.
    Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Arrrrgh!

    INTEGRATED FINAL 13A.

    18 INT. THE LIBRARY - DAY 18


    KNIVES CHAU
    What's wrong?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 14.

    18 CONTINUED: 18
    Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the library.
    He carries a stack of books for Knives.

    SCOTT
    Libraries remind me of grade school.

    KNIVES CHAU
    That must seem like a reeeeally
    long time ago.

    SCOTT
    Uh. Let's talk about something else.
    The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott's attention. He
    freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
    skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Do you know that girl?
    The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
    the librarian. Scott's gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
    out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his thoughts.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Scott?
    Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a crawl.

    STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)

    SCOTT!

    19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - EVENING 19

    Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the clouds.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    You only played one note for that
    entire song.

    SCOTT
    It was...uh...my hand slipped.

    KIM PINE
    Is your girlfriend distracting you?

    SCOTT
    My girlfriend?
    A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I'll... I'll be quieter.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Let's do that one again.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 15.

    19 CONTINUED: 19

    SCOTT
    Sorry, what are we doing?

    20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20


    STEPHEN STILLS
    I told you like fifty times!
    Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
    icy Toronto street. Scott's head is still in the clouds.

    KIM PINE
    We're going to this party, retard.

    SCOTT
    Party?

    YOUNG NEIL
    At Julie's.

    SCOTT
    Ugh. I thought you guys split.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    We did. But, you know, there may be
    some label guys there, so...

    SCOTT
    Aw, man. This is going to suck.

    KIM PINE
    At least it will give us something
    to complain about.

    SCOTT
    Awww maaan...

    21 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT 21

    A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
    house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.

    SCOTT
    ...this sucks.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Sucks.

    SCOTT
    I'm going to go pee due to boredom.
    Scott exits frame.

    YOUNG NEIL
    I have to pee.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 15A.

    21 CONTINUED: 21
    Neil sips his drink.
    Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:

    ' ̃COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)'

    SCOTT
    Hey Comeau.

    COMEAU
    Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
    gettin' your drink on?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 16.

    21 CONTINUED: (2) 21

    SCOTT
    This is Coke Zero. I don't drink.

    COMEAU
    You don't drink? I remember you
    getting ridiculously drunk off two
    G&T's one time and-

    SCOTT

    (QUICKLY)
    Comeau, you know everyone, right?

    COMEAU
    Pretty much.

    SCOTT
    Do you know this one girl with hair
    like this?
    Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.

    COMEAU
    Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
    said she was coming tonight actually.

    SCOTT

    WHAT?

    COMEAU
    You got the hots for her? I hear
    she's hardcore...
    Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...

    22 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 22

    Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
    plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA! Aloof.
    Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to her.

    SCOTT
    Hey, what's up?

    RAMONA
    Nothing.

    SCOTT
    Hey, you know Pacman?

    RAMONA
    I know of him.
    Scott begins to babble.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 17.

    22 CONTINUED: 22

    SCOTT
    Well you know Pac-Man was
    originally Puckman but not because
    Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
    and paku-paku-paku means flapping
    your mouth and they changed it
    because if you scratch out the "P"
    and turn it into an "F'? You know?
    Like...

    RAMONA
    Yeah that's amazing.

    SCOTT
    Um...am I dreaming?
    Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    I'll leave you alone forever now.

    "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..."
    Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
    around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude. Ramona
    leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.

    SCOTT

    DUDE!

    YOUNG NEIL

    WHA?

    SCOTT

    SHE'S TOTALLY REAL!

    YOUNG NEIL

    WHO!?

    STEPHEN STILLS

    RAMONA FLOWERS!

    YOUNG NEIL

    WHUH?
    JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.

    SCOTT
    DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
    Flowers?!

    COMEAU
    All I know is she's American.

    SCOTT

    (EXOTICALLY)
    American...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 17A.

    22 CONTINUED: (2) 22

    COMEAU
    But you should talk to Sandra and

    MONIQUE-

    "SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"

    SCOTT
    LADYDUDES! What do you know about
    Ramona Flowers?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 18.

    22 CONTINUED: (3) 22

    MONIQUE
    I think she has a boyfriend.

    SANDRA
    Some guy back in New York.

    MONIQUE
    Doesn't she have the most
    ridiculous name?

    SANDRA
    I know. It's so 'œRamona Quimby,
    Aged 8' and yet...Flowers.
    The girls laugh. Scott does not.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. What else?
    JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone

    ABOUT RAMONA:

    PARTYGOER #1
    I heard she kicks all kind of ass.

    PARTYGOER #2
    She's on another level.

    PARTYGOER #3
    She's got men dying at her feet.

    PARTYGOER #4
    She's got some battle scars.

    PARTYGOER #5
    Not to be entered into lightly
    We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in front
    of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.

    JULIE
    What about Ramona Flowers?

    SCOTT
    You know her? Tell me. Now.

    JULIE
    She just moved here. Got a job with
    Amazon. Comes into my work.

    SCOTT
    Does she really?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Didn't you say she just broke up
    with someone, Jools?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 18A.

    22 CONTINUED: (4) 22

    SCOTT
    Did she reeally?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    That they had a huge fight or whatever?

    SCOTT
    Did they reeeally?

    JULIE
    ...yes. But I didn't want Scott to
    know that, Stephen.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 19.

    22 CONTINUED: (5) 22

    SCOTT
    Yeah, I don't know what it is about
    that girl, she just-

    JULIE
    Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
    Ramona. Even if you haven't had a
    real girlfriend in over a year-

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Hey whoa, whoa. Scott's mourning
    period is officially over. He's
    totally dating a high schooler.

    JULIE
    Dating a high schooler is the
    mourning period.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    She's got a point.

    SCOTT
    I thought you guys broke up.

    JULIE
    I don't want you scaring off the
    coolest girl at my party Scott. We
    all know you're a total lady killer
    wannabe jerky jerk.

    SCOTT
    That's garbage! Completely untrue.

    JULIE
    That time with Lisa-

    SCOTT
    Misunderstanding.

    JULIE
    That time with Hollie-

    SCOTT
    Not what it looked like!

    JULIE
    That time you dumped Kim for-

    SCOTT
    Hey, me and Kim are all good now.
    SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.

    JULIE
    Whatever, Ramona is out of your
    league, let's leave it at that.

    (MORE)

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 20.

    22 CONTINUED: (6) 22

    JULIE (CONT'D)
    And anyway, I'm not even sure she
    really did have a big breakup. She
    keeps mentioning some guy named
    Gideon.

    SCOTT

    (NOT LISTENING)
    Yeah, I don't know what it is about
    that girl, she just-

    JULIE
    Forget it Scott!!!

    23 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 23

    Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.

    WALLACE
    Guess who's druuunk?

    SCOTT
    I guess Wallace.

    WALLACE
    You guess right.
    Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.

    SCOTT
    So, that girl. From my dream.

    WALLACE
    Girl. Okay...

    SCOTT
    I saw her at the library...

    WALLACE
    Library...can I pretend we're
    talking about a guy?

    SCOTT
    So then I'm at this party, and hey!
    There she is.

    WALLACE
    There he is.

    SCOTT
    I think she's...

    WALLACE
    You think he's...

    SCOTT
    I think she's the girl of my dreams.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 21.

    23 CONTINUED: 23

    WALLACE
    Mmm. Then you should break up with
    your fake high school girlfriend.

    SCOTT
    I've never been so sure about
    something.

    WALLACE
    Then you should break up with your
    fake high school girlfriend.

    SCOTT
    What's that?

    WALLACE
    Break...up...fake...high
    school...girlfriend...

    SCOTT
    I'm not getting it, friend.
    Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT with
    STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.

    STACEY
    You're thinking of juggling two chicks!?

    SCOTT
    Not even!

    STACEY
    Well, you should break up with your
    fake high school girlfriend.

    SCOTT
    Wait. Who told you?

    STACEY
    Duh. Wallace.

    SCOTT
    He's not even conscious!

    STACEY
    Whatever. You of all people should know
    how sucky it is to get cheated on.

    SCOTT
    Don't you have a job to do?

    STACEY
    You're right. I should send out a
    mass text about this. Bye.
    Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 22.

    23 CONTINUED: (2) 23

    SCOTT
    Wallace, how do you do that?
    HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!

    SCOTT (O.S.)

    WALLACE!
    Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace's computer.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Amazon.ca. What's the website for that?

    WALLACE
    ...Amazon.ca.

    SCOTT
    Awesome! I have to order something
    reeeally cool.

    COMPUTER
    "You've got mail!"

    SCOTT
    Dude! This thing claims I have mail!

    WALLACE
    It's amazing what they can do with
    computers these days.

    SCOTT
    Dude! Now I'm reading it!

    WALLACE
    I'm so happy for you.

    SCOTT
    "Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
    my attention that we will be
    fighting soon. My name is Matthew
    Patel, and I'm" blah blah 'œfair
    warning' blah blah...hmm. This
    is...this is...THIS IS...!!!

    WALLACE

    WHAT?!

    SCOTT
    This is boring. Delete!
    'œCLICK.' Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.

    WALLACE
    Scott. Are you waiting for the
    package you just ordered?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 22A.

    23 CONTINUED: (3) 23

    SCOTT
    Maybe.

    WALLACE
    It's the weekend. It won't ship
    until Monday at the earliest.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 23.

    23 CONTINUED: (4) 23
    DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.

    SCOTT
    You were saying?
    Scott opens the door. It's KNIVES CHAU!

    SCOTT
    Heyyy...

    KNIVES CHAU
    Attack hug!
    Knives smothers Scott.

    SCOTT
    Attack hug. That's cute.
    He plasters on his best fake smile.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Remember you were supposed to meet
    me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?

    SCOTT
    How could I possibly forget?

    24 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 24

    Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
    I cannot believe the music they put
    on while we work.

    SCOTT
    That's sucky.

    25 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 25

    Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
    next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Hannah broke up with Alan and now
    she's all into Derek...

    SCOTT
    Uh huh.

    26 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 26

    Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows down
    on a slice. Scott doesn't eat, his thoughts elsewhere.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 23A.

    26 CONTINUED: 26

    KNIVES CHAU
    ...but Tamara claims she has dibs
    on Derek.

    SCOTT
    I tell ya'.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 24.

    27 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 27

    Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.
    Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Combo!
    Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE MIRROR
    IMAGE of Scott's videogame avatar appears on screen.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Uh oh, NegaNinja.
    NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott's avatar.

    SCOTT
    I can never get past that guy.
    Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The 'œCONTINUE?'
    countdown comes up...10...9...8...

    KNIVES CHAU
    Do you want to keep going?
    Scott takes a long look at Knives.

    SCOTT
    Um, I think...I think...
    Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...

    28 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - EVENING 28


    STEPHEN STILLS
    Game on, everybody. Game. On.
    An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
    bass, alone by the window, staring out.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    I got us a show.

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)

    OH MY GOSH WHEN?!
    Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
    better? It's the T.I.B.B.

    KNIVES CHAU
    The Toronto International Battle of
    The Bands?!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 25.

    28 CONTINUED: 28

    STEPHEN STILLS
    S'right. This guy at work was like
    "Steve, do you know anyone in a
    band?" and I was like 'œI'm in a
    band' and he was like 'œYou're in a
    band?' and I was like 'œYeah I'm
    totally in a band'-

    KIM PINE
    Great story, man.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Is there a prize or something?!

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Only a record deal with G-man Graves!

    SCOTT
    What? Who?

    KNIVES CHAU
    You don't know?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Indie Producer of the millennium?!

    SCOTT
    Oh.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Whoa.
    Stills gestures to Knives' home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    If we win...it won't just be Knives
    wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It'll
    be the cool kids too.
    Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I will do everything I can to get
    out of study group and come.

    SCOTT
    Sure. Great.
    We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
    Oh my gosh, who are you battling?

    STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
    Crash and the Boys.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 25A.

    28 CONTINUED: (2) 28

    YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
    That one band with Crash? And
    those Boys?

    KIM PINE
    Yeah that's the one.

    YOUNG NEIL
    I hate them!

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
    Oh my gosh, I hate them too!

    STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
    Yeah, they suck.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 26.

    29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 29

    Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
    his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the mirror.
    Scott exits the bathroom, entering...

    30 INT. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL - ? 30

    ...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott's footsteps echo
    as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on it...
    RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past Scott
    and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in her hand.
    Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of LOCKERS
    leading to...the outside of WALLACE'S APARTMENT???

    31 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING 31

    Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front door,
    THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as she
    presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...

    SCOTT
    Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
    you out, but then I realized how
    stupid that would be.

    (BEAT)
    Do you want to go out sometime?

    RAMONA
    Um, no, that's okay. You just have
    to sign for this alright?

    SCOTT
    I just woke up, and you were in my
    dream. I dreamt you were delivering
    me this package. Is that weird?

    RAMONA
    It's not weird at all.

    SCOTT
    It's not?

    RAMONA
    No, it's just like, you've got this
    really convenient subspace highway
    running through your head that I
    like to use. It's like three miles
    in fifteen seconds.

    SCOTT
    Right...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 27.

    31 CONTINUED: 31

    RAMONA
    Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don't
    have that in Canada.

    SCOTT
    You don't remember me do you? I met
    you at the party the other day.

    RAMONA
    Were you the Pac-Man guy?

    SCOTT
    No. Not even. That was some total
    ass. I was the other guy. You're
    Ramona Flowers right?

    RAMONA
    That's me.

    SCOTT
    So, you're like American?

    RAMONA
    Why, am I coming off as rude?

    SCOTT
    Not at all. Noooooo...
    Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.

    RAMONA
    You know...you need to sign for
    this. Whatever this is?

    SCOTT
    It's something really cool. You'd
    be impressed.

    RAMONA
    You still have to sign.

    SCOTT
    But if I sign for it, you'll leave.

    RAMONA
    Yeah. That's how it works.

    SCOTT
    Okay well, can we just maybe just
    hang out sometime? Get to know each
    other? You're the new kid on the
    block, right? I've lived here
    forever. I mean...there are reasons
    for you to hang out with me?

    RAMONA
    You're all over the place.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 28.

    31 CONTINUED: (2) 31

    SCOTT
    You are like...my dream girl.

    RAMONA
    I need to find a new route.

    SCOTT
    Either that or you need to start
    hanging out with me.

    RAMONA
    You want me to hang out with you?

    SCOTT
    Um...you know...if that's cool.

    RAMONA
    If I say yes, will you sign for
    your damn package?
    Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
    package straight in the trash.

    SCOTT
    Done. So, yeah. Eight o'clock?

    32 OMITTED [INTEGRATED INTO SC 34] 32

    33 OMITTED 33

    34 EXT. PARK - NIGHT 34

    Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
    park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.

    SCOTT
    Why are you just standing there?

    RAMONA
    Dude, I'm totally waiting on you.

    SCOTT
    Sorry, I just assumed you were too
    cool to be on time.

    RAMONA
    Well. You assumed wrong.

    SCOTT
    So what do you want to do? We could
    get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
    through some records at Sonic Boom.
    Oh, or there's this awesome game
    called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 29.

    34 CONTINUED: 34

    RAMONA
    I'm not into simulated violence.

    SCOTT
    I'm cool with whatever you want to do.

    RAMONA
    This is good.
    Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.

    SCOTT
    This is good. So how'd you end up in
    Toronto?

    RAMONA
    Just needed to escape I guess.

    SCOTT
    Oh yeah?

    RAMONA
    I got this job here. And Gideon had
    always said Toronto was one of the
    great cities so...

    SCOTT
    Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?

    RAMONA
    He's...a friend.

    SCOTT
    Was he your boyfriend?

    RAMONA
    Do you mind if we don't get into
    that right now?

    SCOTT
    It's so not interesting to me.
    They sit on some swings in the park.

    RAMONA
    So what about you? What do you do?

    SCOTT
    I'm between jobs.

    RAMONA
    Between what and what?

    SCOTT
    My last job is a long story filled
    with sighs.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 30.

    34 CONTINUED: (2) 34

    RAMONA
    I know plenty of those.

    SCOTT
    Is that why you left New York?

    RAMONA
    Pretty much. It was time to head
    somewhere a little more chilled.

    SCOTT
    Well, it's certainly chilled here.

    RAMONA
    Yeah.
    Uh. Chilled as in cold.

    RAMONA
    Yeah.

    SCOTT
    I'm totally obsessed with you.

    RAMONA
    I didn't mean to get you obsessed.

    SCOTT
    I just haven't been obsessed with a
    girl for a long time. It's weird.

    RAMONA
    That's probably because you sleep
    with a guy.

    SCOTT
    Um...

    RAMONA
    I was guessing from your apartment,
    but you totally do!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 31.

    34 CONTINUED: (3) 34

    SCOTT
    It's... we're just poor! We can't
    afford two beds! We're not gay!
    Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
    gay.

    RAMONA
    Dude, relax. I believe you. You're
    too desperate to be gay.

    SCOTT
    I feel so stupid.

    RAMONA
    Aw... you're probably not that
    stupid.
    Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    I'm... mostly stupid.

    RAMONA
    Well, you're definitely stupid if
    you want to go out with me.

    SCOTT
    Exactly, yeah.
    The snowfall gets heavier.

    RAMONA
    This is ridiculous. Isn't it like April?

    SCOTT
    Yeah. I can barely see you. This whole
    thing is an unmitigated disaster.

    RAMONA
    I think 'act of God' is a pretty
    decent excuse for a lousy date.

    SCOTT
    So this is a 'date', eh?

    RAMONA
    Did I say 'date'? Slip of the tongue.

    SCOTT
    Tongue...
    The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.

    RAMONA
    Anyway, night's not over yet. I think
    there's a thingy up here somewhere.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 31A.

    34 CONTINUED: (4) 34

    SCOTT
    A thingy?

    RAMONA
    A door.

    SCOTT
    A door? I... I... I can't see you.
    I'm blind. Help me.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 32.

    34 CONTINUED: (5) 34
    A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness. Ramona
    opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into blackness...

    35 INT. RAMONA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 35

    Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona's cozy, girl
    friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her coat.

    RAMONA
    What kind of tea do you want?

    SCOTT
    There's more than one kind?

    RAMONA
    We have blueberry, raspberry,
    ginseng, sleepytime, green tea, green
    tea with lemon, green tea with lemon
    and honey, liver disaster, ginger
    with honey, ginger without honey,
    vanilla almond, white truffle,
    blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut,
    constant comment and earl grey.

    SCOTT
    Did you make some of those up?

    RAMONA
    I think I'll have sleepytime.

    SCOTT
    That sounds good to me.

    RAMONA
    Let me get you a blanket.

    SCOTT
    That would actually be awesome.
    Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures upstairs.
    He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
    finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.

    RAMONA
    Dude! I'm changing.
    Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    AAAH! Sorry, I'm just...cold!

    RAMONA (O.S.)
    Here, does this help?

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    That's...very warm. What is that?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 33.

    35 CONTINUED: 35
    Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Ohh...kay.
    They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
    Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
    imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky bassline.
    Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Were you..were you just going to
    bring the blanket from your bed?

    RAMONA
    I guess...

    SCOTT
    Maybe...maybe we should both get
    under it...since we're so cold.

    RAMONA
    Well...what about our tea?

    SCOTT
    I can...not have tea.
    The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt off,
    revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott takes
    his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out. Then-

    RAMONA
    I changed my mind.

    SCOTT
    Changed it to what? From what?

    RAMONA
    I don't want to have sex with you,
    Pilgrim. Not right now.

    SCOTT
    Ohh...kay.

    RAMONA
    It's not like I'm gonna send you
    home in a snowstorm or anything.
    You can sleep in my bed. And I
    reserve the right to change my mind
    about the sex later.
    Ramona curls up next to Scott.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 34.

    35 CONTINUED: (2) 35

    SCOTT
    This is cool, just this. It's been
    like a really long time, and this
    is...I think I needed this.
    Whatever this is. So, thanks.

    RAMONA
    You're welcome.
    They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to -

    36 INT. RAMONA'S ROOM - MORNING 36

    DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
    the empty spot in the bed next to him.

    'œNO RAMONA'
    Another arrow point out that-

    'œSHE'S IN THE SHOWER'
    Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a towel. Scott relaxes.

    RAMONA
    I have to work.

    SCOTT
    Work?

    RAMONA
    You have to leave.

    37 EXT. RAMONA'S APARTMENT - MORNING 37

    Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
    her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.

    SCOTT
    Hey, can this not be a one night
    stand? For one thing, I didn't even
    get any...that was a joke.

    RAMONA
    What did you have in mind?

    SCOTT
    Umm...oh, come to the first round
    of this battle of the bands thing.

    RAMONA

    (TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED)
    You have a band?

    SCOTT
    Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 34A.

    37 CONTINUED: 37

    RAMONA
    Sure.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 35.

    37 CONTINUED: (2) 37
    Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)

    SCOTT
    Wait! Can I get your number?
    SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to Scott.
    She hands him a note. ' ̃RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx' ̃

    SCOTT
    Wow, girl number.
    Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far away.

    RAMONA
    See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.

    SCOTT
    Oh, hey! It's tonight...At The-

    38 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 38


    'œTHE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET'.
    Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of young
    hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with Wallace
    and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing glasses.

    SCOTT
    You totally came!

    RAMONA
    Yes. I did totally come.
    Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills vanish.

    STACEY
    Excuse my brother. He's chronically
    enfeebled. I'm Stacey.

    RAMONA
    Hey.

    STACEY
    And this is Wallace, his room-mate.

    WALLACE
    Hey.

    STACEY
    And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.

    WALLACE
    (staring at Jimmy)
    Heyyy.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 36.

    38 CONTINUED: 38

    STACEY
    And this is Knives, Scott's-
    Scott goes white. He didn't even see Knives come in.

    SCOTT

    HEYYYYYYYY!

    KNIVES CHAU
    Hey.
    Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
    looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Do you like?

    SCOTT
    I...uh...
    LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
    and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Have. To. Go.
    Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.

    PROMOTER (O.S)
    This next band are from Brampton
    and they are Crash And The Boys.

    39 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 39

    Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
    through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    This is a nightmare. Is this a
    nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up.

    KIM
    Once we're on stage you'll be fine.

    STILLS
    We were just on stage. For sound
    check. The sound guy hated us.

    SCOTT
    It's just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
    People love us. Right?
    Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona and
    Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the BALCONY.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 37.

    40 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 40

    Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.

    WALLACE
    Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?

    JIMMY
    They...haven't started playing yet.

    WALLACE
    That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.

    CRASH
    Good evening. I am Crash, and these
    are the Boys.

    WALLACE

    IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?

    CRASH
    Yes.
    TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.

    A41 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS A41

    Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.

    KIM PINE
    They have a girl drummer?

    B41 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS B41


    CRASH
    This is called "I am so sad. I am
    so very very sad." And it goes a
    little something like this.
    Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.

    CRASH
    Thank you.
    Wallace yells from the balcony.

    WALLACE

    IT'S NOT A RACE, GUYS!

    CRASH
    This song is for the guy who keeps
    yelling from the balcony, and it's
    called "We Hate You, Please Die."

    WALLACE
    Sweet! I love this one!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 37A.

    B41 CONTINUED: B41
    Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 38.

    41 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 41


    STEPHEN STILLS
    These guys are good. Are these guys
    good?
    Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    These guys are good.

    42 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 42


    CRASH
    This is called "Last Song Kills
    Audience". It'll be our last song
    tonight and your last song EVER...
    Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.

    43 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 43

    Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    How are we supposed to follow this?
    We're not going to win, we're not
    gonna sign with G-Man and we'll
    never play opening night at the
    Chaos Theatre.

    (FREAKING OUT)

    GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP

    JUST STANDING THERE, YOU'RE

    FREAKING ME OUT!

    44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 44

    As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.

    STACEY
    So, how do you know Scott?

    RAMONA
    He's...um. He's a friend.

    STACEY
    Hard for me to keep track
    sometimes. He has so many friends.
    Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and Tamara.

    STACEY
    So Knives, how did you meet Scott?

    INTEGRATED FINAL 39.

    45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 45

    Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
    Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the face.

    SCOTT
    We gotta play now and loud!

    46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 46

    Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives' story.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-
    Knives freezes, staring at the stage.

    RAMONA
    Is that seriously the end of the story?

    KNIVES CHAU
    OH MY GOSH, they're on!

    47 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 47

    ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.

    PROMOTER
    This next band is from Toronto
    and...yeah. So give it up for
    Sex...Bob-Omb?
    SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only cheers.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Scott...you ready?
    Scott nods vigorously.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Kim...you rea-

    KIM PINE

    WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...
    ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.

    KIM PINE (CONT'D)

    THREE, FOUR!
    Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
    chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
    KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
    Scott as he sails towards the stage!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 40.

    47 CONTINUED: 47
    MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
    lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
    borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked out).

    MATTHEW PATEL
    Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
    Patel. Consider our fight...begun!

    SCOTT
    What did I do?
    Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.

    SCOTT
    What do I do?!

    WALLACE

    FIGHT!
    Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with his
    left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his right.
    Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES at Scott.

    MATTHEW PATEL
    Alright. Alright.

    WALLACE
    Watch out! It's that one guy!

    SCOTT
    Thank you, Wallace!
    Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
    sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT, knocking
    hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting circle.

    MATTHEW PATEL
    You're quite the opponent, Pilgrim.

    SCOTT
    Who the hell are you anyway?
    The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.

    MATTHEW PATEL
    My name is Matthew Patel and I'm
    Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend!

    SCOTT
    You're what?

    MATTHEW PATEL
    Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend!
    All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 40A.

    47 CONTINUED: (2) 47

    RAMONA
    Anyone need another drink?
    Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
    punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-out.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 41.

    47 CONTINUED: (3) 47

    SCOTT
    We're fighting because of Ramona?

    MATTHEW PATEL
    Didn't you get my e-mail explaining
    the situation?

    SCOTT
    I skimmed it.

    MATTHEW PATEL
    You will pay for your insolence!
    Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
    counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches. Scott
    jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing heavy.

    WALLACE
    What's up with his outfit?

    OTHER HECKLER
    Yeah! Is he a pirate?
    Scott looks at Patel's outfit.

    SCOTT
    Are you a pirate?

    MATTHEW PATEL
    Pirates are in this year!
    Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until Patel
    puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.

    SCOTT
    You really went out with this guy?

    RAMONA
    Yeah, in the seventh grade.
    The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
    balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.

    RAMONA (CONT'D)
    It was football season and for some
    reason, all the little jocks wanted
    me. Matthew was the only non-white,
    non-jock boy in school, probably in
    the entire state, so we joined
    forces and took 'em all out. We
    were one hell of a team. Nothing
    could beat Matthew's mystical
    powers. Nothing but pre-teen
    capriciousness. We only kissed
    once. After a week and a half, I
    told him to hit the showers.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 41A.

    47 CONTINUED: (4) 47
    The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 42.

    47 CONTINUED: (5) 47

    SCOTT
    Dude, wait...mystical powers?
    Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.

    MATTHEW PATEL
    You'll pay for this, Flowers!
    Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!

    MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
    If you want to fight me, you're not
    the brightest. You won't know
    what's hit you in the slightest.
    Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
    fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.

    MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
    Me and my fireballs and my Demon
    Hipster Chicks, I'm talking the
    talk because I know I'm slick.
    Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at Scott.
    He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.

    MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
    Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
    down.
    The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
    dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.

    MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
    Let us show him what we're all
    about.
    Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.
    They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.

    SCOTT
    That doesn't even rhyme.
    Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim's CYMBALS and
    throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square in the
    eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.

    MATTHEW PATEL
    This is impossible, how can it be?!
    Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
    to see Scott Pilgrim's FIST racing towards his face.

    SCOTT
    Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 42A.

    47 CONTINUED: (6) 47
    K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
    clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.

    SCOTT
    Sweet. Coins.

    48 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 48

    Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 43.

    48 CONTINUED: 48

    RAMONA
    Well, it was great meeting you.
    Tell your gay friends I said bye.

    STACEY
    Gay friends?
    Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.

    STACEY
    WALLACE?! Not again!
    Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.

    49 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 49

    Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.

    SCOTT
    Aw man. $2.40? That's not even
    enough for the bus home.

    RAMONA
    I'll lend you the 30 cents.
    Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promotor ambles back onstage.

    PROMOTER
    Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

    50 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 50

    Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.
    Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.

    51 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 51


    SCOTT
    Sooooooo...
    A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.

    SCOTT
    What was all that all about?

    RAMONA
    Uh, I guess...
    Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott's eyes.

    RAMONA (CONT'D)
    If we're going to date, you may
    have to defeat my seven evil ex's.

    SCOTT
    You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 44.

    51 CONTINUED: 51

    RAMONA
    Seven ex's, yes.

    SCOTT
    So I have to fight-

    RAMONA
    Defeat.

    SCOTT
    -defeat your seven evil ex's if
    we're going to continue to date.

    RAMONA
    Pretty much.

    SCOTT
    So, what you're saying is...

    (BEAT)
    We are dating?

    RAMONA
    Uh, I guess.

    SCOTT
    Cool. Do you want to make out?

    RAMONA
    Uh...
    Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience 'awwww's.

    52 OMITTED 52

    53 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING 53

    A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the front
    door, a spring in his step. The studio audience applauds.

    WALLACE
    Someone's happy.

    SCOTT
    Well, someone got to second base
    last night. And someone has a
    second date tonight.

    WALLACE
    Someone's lucky then.

    SCOTT
    You know when I say ' ̃someone', I mean
    me, right? I got to second base last
    night...maybe first and a half.
    Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 45.

    53 CONTINUED: 53

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Oh, hey, I'm inviting Ramona over for
    dinner, so you can't be here tonight.
    I don't want you gaying up the place.

    WALLACE
    Okay, Scott. But in return I have
    to issue an ultimatum.

    SCOTT
    One of your famous ultimatums?

    WALLACE
    It may live in infamy...You have to
    break up with Knives. Today. Okay?
    Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace's bacon.

    SCOTT
    But...but...it's HARD.

    WALLACE
    If you don't do it, I'm going to
    tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
    to God, Scott.

    SCOTT
    But you...you're...
    At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom and
    helps himself to coffee.

    JIMMY
    Morning.
    Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)

    DOUBLE STANDARD!

    WALLACE
    I didn't make up the gay rulebook.
    If you have a problem with it, take
    it up with Liberace's Ghost.

    SCOTT
    You're a monster.

    WALLACE
    Now put the bacon down and go do
    your dirt while I watch the Lucas
    Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.

    SCOTT
    Who's Lucas Lee?
    Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW magazine.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 45A.

    53 CONTINUED: (2) 53

    WALLACE
    He was this pretty good skater and
    now he's this pretty good actor.

    (MORE)

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 46.

    53 CONTINUED: (3) 53

    WALLACE (CONT'D)
    He's filming a Winifred Hailey
    movie in Toronto right now.

    SCOTT
    They make movies in Toronto?

    WALLACE
    Yes. I am stalking him later.

    SCOTT
    So, this Lucas Lee-

    WALLACE
    Lucas Lee is not important to you
    right now! Get out.

    SCOTT
    You suck. Surprising no one.
    Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
    see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.

    LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
    Listen close and listen hard,
    bucko. The next click is me hanging
    up. The one after that...is me
    pulling the trigger.

    54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54

    A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.

    SCOTT
    Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
    to, like, talk or whatever?

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
    Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
    a spring jacket? And a hoodie?

    SCOTT
    Ummm...
    Scott checks what he's wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
    And a dorky hat?!

    SCOTT
    It's not dorky! Why are you psychic?
    A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 47.

    55 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 55

    The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.
    Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE CLASH
    AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY ADAMS
    posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow and mist.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I can't believe they're coming to
    town. Will you take me to the show?

    SCOTT
    Yeah, listen-
    The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott's head.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
    over for dinner.

    SCOTT
    Like, Chinese food?

    KNIVES CHAU
    Yeah.

    SCOTT
    Hmm. It's not my favorite.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
    It's my birthday dinner.

    SCOTT
    Uh...I think that's a really bad
    idea. Like, really, just so bad.

    KNIVES CHAU
    No, it's okay. Why?

    SCOTT
    Well I mean, I'm too old for you!

    KNIVES CHAU
    No you're not! My Dad is nine years
    older than my Mom...

    SCOTT
    And...and...are you even allowed to
    date outside your race or whatever?

    KNIVES CHAU
    I don't care. I'm in...LOVE!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 47A.

    55 CONTINUED: 55
    Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.
    Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.

    SCOTT
    Um, listen...I was thinking we
    should break up or whatever.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 48.

    55 CONTINUED: (2) 55

    KNIVES CHAU
    Really?

    SCOTT
    Yeah...um...it's not going to work out.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh...
    Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.

    56 INT. THE BUS / RECORD STORE - DAY 56

    Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
    CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
    ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
    CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
    ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.

    57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS' BASEMENT - EVENING 57

    Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.

    KIM PINE
    Where's Knives? Not coming tonight?

    SCOTT
    Oh. No. We broke up.
    Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    OH! Check it out, I learned the
    bass line from Final Fantasy 2.
    Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.

    KIM PINE
    Scott, you are the salt of the earth.

    SCOTT
    Aw, thanks.

    KIM PINE
    Wait. I meant scum of the earth.

    SCOTT
    Aw, thanks.

    YOUNG NEIL
    You...you broke up with Knives?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 49.

    57 CONTINUED: 57

    SCOTT
    Yeah, but don't worry, maybe you'll
    meet my new new girlfriend soon.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Newnew.
    Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott's amp.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Okay! From here on out, no
    GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
    practice, whether they're old, new
    or new-new. We were lucky to
    survive that last round. This is
    sudden death now. Okay?

    SCOTT
    Okay!

    DINGY DONG...

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    That's for me.
    Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Hey...you're here?

    RAMONA
    Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?
    Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.

    SCOTT
    You know your hair?

    RAMONA
    I know of it.

    SCOTT
    It's all blue.

    RAMONA
    Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
    to introduce me?

    SCOTT
    Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
    Young Neil, that's... Kim.

    RAMONA
    Hey everyone.
    Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona's hair.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 49A.

    57 CONTINUED: (2) 57

    SCOTT
    Is it weird not being pink anymore?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 50.

    57 CONTINUED: (3) 57

    RAMONA
    I change my hair every week and a
    half, dude. Get used to it.
    (to Sex Bob-Omb)
    So...uh...how do you guys all know
    each other?

    YOUNG NEIL
    High school, I guess?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    What Neil said.

    YOUNG NEIL
    I'm Neil.

    KIM PINE
    Believe it or not, I actually dated
    Scott in high school.

    RAMONA
    Got any embarassing stories?

    KIM PINE
    Yeah. He's an idiot.
    Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.

    SCOTT
    Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Uh, what about rehearsal?

    SCOTT
    Neil knows my parts.

    YOUNG NEIL

    (TO STILLS)
    I'm Neil.

    58 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 58

    Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
    around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks on.

    WALLACE
    Are you doing okay there?

    SCOTT
    Yeah, good. Good.
    Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.

    SCOTT
    She changed her hair.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 50A.

    58 CONTINUED: 58

    WALLACE
    So? It looks nice blue.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 51.

    58 CONTINUED: (2) 58

    SCOTT
    I know, but she changed it without
    even making a big deal about it.
    She's spontaneous. Impulsive.
    Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?

    WALLACE
    I can't believe you were worried
    about me gaying up the place.
    Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.

    RAMONA
    How's dinner coming along?

    SCOTT
    Yeah, good. Good.

    WALLACE
    I'll leave you lovebirds to it. I'm
    heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
    hetero crush.
    Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.

    SCOTT
    Don't go.

    WALLACE
    Will you man the hell up? You could
    get to 2nd and a half base.

    SCOTT
    You think so?

    WALLACE
    Well, if you strike out in the next
    hour, come find me at the Castle.

    SCOTT
    'œIf I strike out'?

    WALLACE
    Okay, 'œwhen'. See you in sixty.

    '15 MINUTES LATER'
    Ramona and Scott eat on the floor, picnic style. Scott has
    cooked garlic bread (and only garlic bread) for dinner.

    RAMONA
    This is actually really good garlic bread.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 52.

    58 CONTINUED: (3) 58

    SCOTT
    Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
    could honestly eat it for every
    meal. Or just all the time without
    even stopping.

    RAMONA
    You'd get fat.

    SCOTT
    No. Why would I get fat?

    RAMONA
    Bread makes you fat.

    SCOTT
    Bread makes you FAT??

    '15 MINUTES LATER'
    A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his bass guitar.

    SCOTT
    So I wrote a song about you.

    RAMONA
    Oh yeah?

    SCOTT
    Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
    Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
    Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.

    RAMONA
    I can't wait to hear it when it's
    finished.

    SCOTT
    Finished?

    '15 MINUTES LATER'
    Scott makes out with Ramona on the futon. Scott smiles as she
    runs her hands through his hair.

    RAMONA
    Your hair's pretty shaggy.

    SCOTT

    OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON'T I?!?
    Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.

    RAMONA
    What?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 53.

    58 CONTINUED: (4) 58

    SCOTT
    Ha. No, sorry. It's just that I
    got... I got a bad haircut right
    before me and my big ex broke up. But
    it's so long ago, I can barely
    remember it...
    A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.

    NARRATOR
    Scott is acutely aware that his last
    salon haircut took place exactly 431
    days ago, three hours before his big
    breakup. He blames this largely on the
    haircut and has been cutting his own
    hair ever since.

    RAMONA
    Sounds like a bad time.

    SCOTT
    Not really.

    NARRATOR
    It was.

    SCOTT
    It was a mutual thing.

    NARRATOR
    It wasn't.

    SCOTT
    I mean, she told me it was mutual.

    NARRATOR
    She dumped him. It was brutal.

    RAMONA
    What was her name?

    SCOTT
    She was Nat when I knew her. But
    she stopped liking that name.
    Then...she stopped liking me...

    RAMONA
    Your hair is cute. I like it long.

    SCOTT
    But it'd be cuter short! Wouldn't it?!
    Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
    his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.

    RAMONA
    What? Why are you wearing that?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 54.

    58 CONTINUED: (5) 58

    SCOTT
    I thought we could go for a walk.

    59 EXT. ENDLESS STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59


    '15 MINUTES LATER'
    Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long handrail between them.

    RAMONA
    Tell me we didn't come out here
    just so you could cover your hair
    with that hat.

    SCOTT
    Nooo. I just love me some walking.
    Putting one leg in front of the other.

    RAMONA
    You seem a little...heightened.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. I don't know. I just, when I'm
    with you I feel like I'm on drugs. Not
    that I do drugs, unless you do, in
    which case I do drugs all the time,
    every drug, but...you make me feel...I
    don't know. Things seem a little
    brighter around you or something.
    Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
    NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.

    RAMONA
    What is this place?

    SCOTT
    A totally awesome castle. They're
    shooting this movie up here.
    Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle surrounded
    by big, bright movie set lights.

    RAMONA
    Who's in it?

    SCOTT
    Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.

    RAMONA
    Oh, who?

    SCOTT
    I forget. Let's find out.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 55.

    60 EXT. CASA LOMA - CONTINUOUS 60

    A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by some
    GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man. Scott
    and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including Wallace.

    RAMONA
    Did you find the guy you're stalking?

    WALLACE
    I think I'm about to right now.

    FIRST A.D.
    Mr. Lee is travelling!

    RAMONA
    Mr. Lee?

    WALLACE
    Lucas Lee.

    RAMONA
    Ooh.

    SCOTT
    Ooh?
    The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he exits
    his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He skates
    towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go 'œoooh'.

    WALLACE
    I want to have his adopted babies.

    RAMONA
    Oh, man. We gotta go.

    SCOTT
    What? Why?

    RAMONA
    I used to date that clown.

    WALLACE
    Slut.

    RAMONA
    Wallace. I am not a slut.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 56.

    60 CONTINUED: 60

    WALLACE
    I can think of no higher accolade.
    Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.

    LUCAS LEE
    Action.
    Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.

    SCOTT
    Oh...my...God...

    LUCAS LEE
    Hey. The only thing keeping me and
    her apart is the two minutes it's
    gonna take to kick your ass.

    SCOTT
    ...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!

    RAMONA
    In 9th grade. We had drama. Actually,
    it might have been math. I just
    remember there being lots of drama.

    LUCAS LEE

    HEY!!!
    Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.

    RAMONA
    He just followed me around. He was
    a little snot nosed brat.

    SCOTT
    He had snot? In his nose? But he's
    famous!

    LUCAS LEE

    HEY!!!

    RAMONA
    It's not a big deal. I only dated
    him for a week and a half-

    LUCAS LEE
    I'm talking to you Scott Pilgrim!
    Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.

    SCOTT
    He's famous and he talked to me!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 56A.

    60 CONTINUED: (2) 60

    LUCAS LEE
    The only thing keeping me and her
    apart is the two minutes it's gonna
    take to kick your ass!

    SCOTT
    Can I get-
    POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes back
    up with a pen and paper, wobbly.

    SCOTT
    Can I get your autograph?
    POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.

    LUCAS LEE
    Sup. How's life? He seems nice.
    Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling it.
    Scotts CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set. Lucas
    holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then stomps
    over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.

    WALLACE
    Scott. Evil ex. Fight.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 57.

    60 CONTINUED: (3) 60

    LUCAS LEE
    Think you stand a chance against an
    A-lister, bro?
    Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-down
    ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas' knuckles with antiseptic.

    LUCAS LEE
    Some competish you are.
    Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.

    SCOTT
    Hey... hey... hey! I'm not done-
    Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND IN!

    LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
    Looks like you're seeing double.
    Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the sidelines.
    POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the ground.

    LUCAS LEE
    He's good, right? Sometimes I let
    him do wide shots if I feel like
    getting blazed back in my winnie.
    Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
    STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
    dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.

    LUCAS LEE
    I'm nothing without my stunt team.
    The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott PUNCHES
    through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.

    WALLACE
    Ask them how it feels to always get
    his sloppy seconds!

    SCOTT
    How does it feel to-
    KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
    barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and ribs.

    LUCAS LEE
    I'm gonna get coffee. You homies
    want anything?
    We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
    the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to nothing.

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    Mr. Lee?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 58.

    60 CONTINUED: (4) 60
    Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-D
    SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious stuntmen.

    SCOTT
    You're needed back on set.
    Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
    GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!
    Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.
    Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.

    LUCAS LEE
    Prepare... prepare to feel the wrath
    of the League of Evil Exes!

    SCOTT
    The League of Evil Axes?

    LUCAS LEE
    You really don't know about the
    "The League"?

    SCOTT
    Ummm...

    LUCAS LEE
    Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
    you? Controlling the future of
    Ramona's love life?

    SCOTT
    ...no.

    LUCAS LEE
    Oh, well then don't worry about it.

    SCOTT
    Really?

    LUCAS LEE
    Yeah, bro. Let's get a beer.
    Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas gets
    him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his aching jaw.

    SCOTT
    You are a pretty good actor.

    LUCAS LEE
    I'm going for the Oscar this year.

    SCOTT
    But are you a pretty good skater?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 59.

    60 CONTINUED: (5) 60

    LUCAS LEE
    I'm more than pretty good, ese.
    I have my own skate company.
    Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company tattoo.

    SCOTT
    So you can sell them, but can you
    do a thingy on that rail?
    Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.

    LUCAS LEE
    It's called a grind, bro.

    SCOTT
    So can you do a grind thingy now?

    LUCAS LEE
    Are you serious? There's like 200
    steps and the rails are garbage.

    SCOTT
    Hey, if it's too hardcore...

    LUCAS LEE
    You really think you can goad me
    into doing a trick like that?

    SCOTT
    There's girls watching.

    LUCAS LEE
    Somebody get me my board.
    Wallace taps Lucas' shoulder and hands him his skateboard.

    WALLACE
    Hi. Big fan.

    LUCAS LEE
    Why wouldn't you be?
    CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.
    Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
    sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...
    Cut back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.

    SCOTT
    Wow.

    HSSSSSSSSS...
    Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 59A.

    60 CONTINUED: (6) 60

    SCOTT
    Wow.

    HSSSSSSSSS...
    Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott's about to say ' ̃wow' when-
    BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the stairs.

    WALLACE
    Wow, he totally bailed.

    SCOTT
    Yes!
    Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.

    SCOTT
    I didn't get his autograph.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 60.

    60 CONTINUED: (7) 60

    FIRST A.D.
    Uh...that's a wrap everybody.

    SCOTT
    Where's Ramona? Is she still here?

    WALLACE
    No, she totally bailed.

    SCOTT
    What's the deal? Seriously.

    61 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - DAY 61

    Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear. Wallace
    cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the OUTGOING
    MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging system. RAMONA
    is not available, please record your message after the beep.

    SCOTT
    Hey. It's me, Scott again. Call me
    back. Scott Pilgrim.

    (HANGS UP)
    What's the deal? Seriously.
    Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.

    WALLACE
    Yeah, you said that last night.

    SCOTT
    You know what really sucks though?

    WALLACE
    What?

    SCOTT
    Everything!

    WALLACE
    Come on guy, you can't say you
    didn't see this coming. It was
    right under your nose.
    Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned
    literally under Scott's nose on the refrigerator:
    RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx

    WALLACE
    What did you think these were?

    SCOTT
    Kisses? Seven little kisses?

    WALLACE
    Seven deadly X's.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 61.

    61 CONTINUED: 61
    Wallace cocks an eyebrow. Scott slides to the floor.

    SCOTT
    Why does everything have to be so
    complicated?
    Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor.

    WALLACE
    If you want something bad, you have
    to fight for it. Step up your game.
    Break out the L-word.

    SCOTT
    Lesbian?

    WALLACE
    The other L-word.

    SCOTT
    Lesbians?

    WALLACE
    Okay, it's 'œlove'. I wasn't trying
    to trick you or anything. Look, if
    she's really the girl of your
    dreams, then you have to let her
    know. You have to overcome any and
    all obstacles that lie in your
    path. You have the spirit of a
    warrior, Scott. You can do it! Be
    with her! It's your destiny!

    (BEAT)
    Plus, I need you to move out.
    Scott's face falls, completely shocked at this bombshell.

    SCOTT
    What? Why? Are you moving in with
    Other Scott or Jimmy or someone?

    WALLACE
    Or someone. Either way, I'm kind of
    banking on her calling you back so
    I won't have to evict you and feel
    all guilty and shit.
    RINGY RING. Scott and Wallace look at the phone.

    WALLACE
    I have a feeling that's for you, guy.
    Scott picks up. A SEXY, NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES...

    VOICE (O.S.)
    Hey Scott.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 62.

    61 CONTINUED: (2) 61

    SCOTT
    ...Envy?

    WALLACE
    Oh, shit.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    It's been a long time.

    SCOTT
    Yeah.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    A year I think?

    SCOTT
    Approximately.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    How are you?

    SCOTT
    I'm not doing so good right now.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    That's too bad. Still breaking hearts?

    SCOTT
    What? No, stop. I've been-it's been
    different. You have no idea.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    Probably not. Do you have a
    girlfriend? Should I be jealous?

    SCOTT
    Yes, you should. I have this
    totally awesome girlfriend who
    calls me all the time. And she's
    America. Uh. She's American.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    What's her name?

    SCOTT
    I'm not telling you that. Ramona.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    Oh.

    SCOTT
    What? Do you know her?

    ENVY (O.S.)
    Uh. No.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 63.

    61 CONTINUED: (3) 61

    SCOTT
    It sounded like you did.

    ENVY (O.S.)
    I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.

    SCOTT

    WAIT-
    CLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over him.

    WALLACE
    Okay. Everything does suck.
    Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the phone.

    WALLACE
    Or does it?
    Scott sits bolt upright, expectant.

    WALLACE
    Oh, hey Knives.
    Scott lays back down. FUCK.

    WALLACE
    What's that? You're outside?
    Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door a
    crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Is Scott here?

    WALLACE
    You know what?
    Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head
    first. GLASS SMASHES.

    WALLACE (CONT'D)
    He just left.
    Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background.

    A62 EXT. STREET - DAY A62

    Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid.
    He sees five ' ̃X's looming above him on a pedestrian crossing
    and quickly diverts into an...

    62 EXT. ALLEY - DAY 62

    Scott rips the ' ̃X-Men' patch off his jacket, when-

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 63A.

    62 CONTINUED: 62
    WHZZZ - SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around.

    SCOTT
    Dude.
    WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by.

    SCOTT
    Please.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 64.

    62 CONTINUED: (2) 62
    SHFFF - SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. He's pissed now.

    SCOTT
    I'm really not in the mood.
    SHWAA - SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott.

    SCOTT
    Okay, enough!
    Scott punches the air in front of him. Hits SOMETHING. A
    DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get up
    lands on the ground with a thump. She spins to face Scott.

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    You punched me in the boob. Prepare
    to die, obviously.

    SCOTT
    Listen, I've had it today. Can we
    not do this right now?

    ALT #1:

    MYSTERY ATTACKER

    (DIXIELAND ACCENT)
    Love to postpone, darlin', but I
    just cashed my last raincheck.

    SCOTT
    What's that from?

    MYSTERY ATTACKER

    (OWN VOICE)
    My brain!

    SCOTT
    Well whatever this is about, can it
    wait till I'm in the right frame of
    mind?

    ALT #2:

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    Nuh uh. This is one nightmare you
    can't wake up from.

    SCOTT
    Wait, am I asleep right now?

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    No.

    SCOTT
    So, technically this is not a
    nightmare.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 64A.

    62 CONTINUED: (3) 62

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    Right.

    SCOTT
    So how can I not wake up? If I'm
    not actually asleep.

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    Don't question me!
    Scott shakes his head, baffled.

    SCOTT
    Well, I'm really, really not up for
    this. Whatever it is.

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    Okay little chicken, then I'll see
    you later. But you won't see me.
    Because I'll be deadly serious next
    time.

    SCOTT
    What?

    MYSTERY ATTACKER
    Nevermind!
    PAF - the Mystery Attacker vanishes. Scott looks to the sky.

    SCOTT
    Oh man. Someone help me.

    63 EXT. BLOOR STREET - DAY 63

    Scott is in his usual payphone, dialing Stacey frantically.

    SCOTT
    It's Scott.

    STACEY (O.S.)
    What did he do this time?

    SCOTT
    No, it's Scott. It's actually me.

    STACEY (O.S.)
    What did you do this time?

    SCOTT
    I didn't do anything. It's everyone
    else that's crazy.

    (MORE)

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 65.

    63 CONTINUED: 63

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Look I need to talk to you, I'm
    having a meltdown or whatever. Are
    you still working?

    STACEY (O.S.)
    I'm literally about to leave.

    SCOTT
    Cool, I'm coming in.
    Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into-

    64 INT. THE SECOND CUP - CONTINUOUS 64

    Scott approaches the counter. Stacey has her back turned.

    SCOTT
    Think I'll make it a decaf today.
    Stacey turns around, revealing herself to be JULIE!

    JULIE

    SCOTT PILGRIM!

    SCOTT
    AH! What did you do with my sister?
    Stacey taps on the window outside, mouthing that she has to
    go. Scott turns back to Julie, not happy.

    JULIE
    What can I fucking get you?

    SCOTT
    Is there anywhere you don't work?

    JULIE
    They're called 'jobs', something a
    fuckball like you wouldn't know
    anything about. And by the way, I
    can't believe you fucking asked
    Ramona out after I specifically
    told you not to fucking do that!
    (Note to concerned reader: Everytime Julie says "FUCK", a
    black bar comes out of her mouth and the sound is bleeped.)

    SCOTT
    How do you do that with your mouth?

    JULIE
    Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What
    do you have to say for yourself?

    SCOTT
    Uh. Can I get a caramel macchiato?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 66.

    64 CONTINUED: 64

    JULIE
    Maybe it's high fucking time you
    took a look in a mirror before you
    wreak havoc on another girl.

    SCOTT
    Me? Wreak havoc?
    Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the
    counter with concert dates at the bottom.

    JULIE
    Fucking speaking of fucking which,
    I hear the girl that kicked your
    heart in the ass is walking the
    streets of Toronto again.

    SCOTT
    So I can pick up my coffee over
    here?
    Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into...
    RAMONA. They share an awkward moment. She looks at the floor.

    RAMONA
    Sorry that got a little crazy last
    night.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. You kind of disappeared.

    RAMONA
    Yeah, I do that. Listen, I know
    it's hard to be around me
    sometimes. I'll understand if you
    don't want to hang anymore.

    SCOTT
    No. No, I want to hang. The whole
    evil ex-boyfriend thing. No biggie.

    RAMONA
    Exes.

    SCOTT
    I mean, I know it's early days, but
    I don't think anything can really
    get in the way of how I SHIT!
    Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from the
    steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop...the singer from THE
    CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the poster.

    "ENVY ADAMS, 23, FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT'S HEART IN THE ASS."
    The icy, platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 67.

    64 CONTINUED: (2) 64

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    It's my ex.

    RAMONA
    The big one?
    Scott nods. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona.

    RAMONA
    I'm gonna...excuse me.
    Ramona goes to order coffee, leaving Envy to fix on Scott.

    ENVY
    Your hair is getting shaggy.
    REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT.

    SCOTT
    Yeah?

    ENVY
    So. That's Ramona?

    SCOTT
    Yeah.

    ENVY
    Okay, I'm jealous.

    SCOTT
    YOU'RE jealous?

    ENVY
    I'm allowed.

    SCOTT
    You left me! For that cocky pretty boy!

    ENVY
    You've never even seen him.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. I know. You left me for a guy
    I've never even seen.

    ENVY
    Maybe you'll see him soon. We're
    playing Lee's Palace. You guys
    should like, so totally come.

    SCOTT
    That's so not going to happen.

    ENVY
    Great. You're so on the list.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 68.

    64 CONTINUED: (3) 64
    Envy disappears into the cappucino mists. Ramona returns.

    JULIE
    Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim!

    SCOTT

    (TO RAMONA)
    It's pronounced 'œScott'.

    65 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 65

    Scott and Ramona walk side by side, sipping their coffees.

    RAMONA
    So...that was Nat?

    SCOTT
    No, that was Envy.

    RAMONA
    So...what did you guys talk about?

    SCOTT
    She's totally jealous of you.

    RAMONA
    Envy's jealous? How about that?

    SCOTT
    Yeah. How. About. That.

    RAMONA
    What happened with the two of you?

    SCOTT
    Do you mind if we don't get into
    that right now?

    (BEAT)
    She wanted to move to Montreal
    because she missed her best friend.
    This guy Todd.

    RAMONA
    And two weeks later, you heard they
    were sleeping together I guess?

    SCOTT
    Basically.

    RAMONA
    I dated a Todd once. That didn't
    end well either.

    SCOTT
    I can see how it sucks. Having the
    past come back to haunt you.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 68A.

    65 CONTINUED: 65

    RAMONA
    Is it wrong that I try not to think
    about it?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 69.

    65 CONTINUED: (2) 65

    SCOTT
    What do you want to think about?

    RAMONA
    How warm my place is right now.
    Ramona stops and kisses him.

    66 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 66

    Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon.

    OTHER SCOTT
    And you didn't bang her? Are you gay?

    SCOTT
    I couldn't stop thinking about my
    stupid ex-girlfriend.
    A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all.

    JIMMY
    Is that the Uma Thurman movie?

    WALLACE
    Scott. Just because Envy's back in
    town doesn't make it not over.

    SCOTT
    Double negative. Tricky.

    OTHER SCOTT
    It's over. Move on.

    WALLACE
    Word.

    JIMMY
    Mm.
    Scott stands (no pants). Music swells.

    SCOTT
    Right. I'm not gonna let her toy
    with me. From this moment on, I
    will think of Envy Adams no more!

    67 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 67


    STEPHEN STILLS
    I have distressing news.
    A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim, Scott and
    Young Neil. Ramona lounges on the couch...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 69A.

    67 CONTINUED: 67

    KIM PINE
    Is the news that we suck? Because I
    really don't think I can take it.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    No. The Clash At Demonhead are
    doing a secret show tomorrow night.
    And Envy asked us to open for them.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 70.

    67 CONTINUED: (2) 67

    SCOTT
    I hate you.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    A gig is a gig is a gig. Is a gig.
    Maybe you can put your history
    aside until we get through this
    thing. You know, for the band? For
    the band. For the band?

    SCOTT
    Can't we do our own secret shows?

    KIM PINE
    All our shows are secret shows.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    We're doing it. G-man might be
    there! We play the next round of
    the battle Saturday. We need to get
    some buzz going. We need
    groundswell. We need stalkers.
    Stills paces past the window to reveal...KNIVES CHAU OUTSIDE.
    CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face, pressed against the window.
    TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with Ramona.

    SCOTT
    What would you do? If your ex was
    in a band and they wanted you to
    open for them?

    RAMONA
    If my ex was in the band?

    SCOTT
    Yeah.

    RAMONA
    It might be a little awkward. But
    maybe it's the grown up thing to do.

    SCOTT
    Yeah, we're all adults right?

    68 INT. DRUG SMART - EVENING 68

    KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and rants
    furiously into her cellphone.

    KNIVES CHAU
    He's dating a fat-ass hipster chick!
    I hate his stupid guts! I'm gonna
    disembowel him!

    INTEGRATED FINAL 71.

    68A INT. KNIVES' BEDROOM - EVENING 68A

    Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara.

    KNIVES CHAU
    He only likes her cause she's old!
    She's probably like 25! She's just
    some fat-ass white girl, you know?

    TAMARA
    I think you mentioned she was fa-

    68B INT. KNIVES' BATHROOM - EVENING 68B

    Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub spigot.

    KNIVES CHAU
    She's got a head start! I didn't
    even know there WAS good music
    until like two months ago! Okay,
    this really burns.

    TAMARA
    We should rinse-

    KNIVES CHAU
    I mean, he knew I was cool but he
    thought I was too young, so he
    tried to find someone cool but old.

    TAMARA
    She's cool? I thought she was fat-

    KNIVES CHAU
    Well she THINKS she's cool. This is
    all her fault.

    TAMARA
    Why?
    Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair.

    KNIVES CHAU
    It MUST be her fault. Obviously
    it's just a twist of fate or
    whatever, isn't it? Star crossed
    lovers! Born too late!
    Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE RAMONA.

    KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D)
    Oh God...I look so...so good.
    Knives throws a long scarf on, looking sexy, eyes narrowing.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 72.

    68B CONTINUED: 68B

    KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D)
    Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart.
    But I know how to get him back.
    PUSH into Knives, as she plots. Tamara pops into frame.

    TAMARA
    How?
    We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen:

    'œYUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. OMFG UR SO HOTT'

    69 EXT. LEE'S PALACE - NIGHT 69

    A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue. A
    sign reads ' ̃THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD - Sold out'.
    We hear loud music blasting through the open doors.

    70 INT. LEE'S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 70

    The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Thank you. We were Sex Bob-Omb.
    Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer, drunk. The other
    snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    We got some merch out the back, so-
    (to Scott and Kim)
    Okay. Bar. Now.

    71 INT. LEE'S PALACE - LATER 71

    A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Level with me. Did we suck?

    RAMONA
    I don't know. Did you?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    She has to go. She knows we suck.
    Ramona excuses herself.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 73.

    72 INT. LEE'S PALACE, LADIES BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 72

    Ramona does her eyeliner. She looks in the mirror to see two
    images of herself staring back. Or is it...
    "KNIVES CHAU, 17, SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair,
    clothes and makeup, standing next to Ramona, looking hot.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Hey Ramona.

    RAMONA
    Hey.
    Ramona exits, confused. Knives follows.

    RAMONA
    What the hell?

    73 INT. LEE'S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 73

    Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. Scott breaks
    into a cold sweat. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Hey Scott.
    Knives heads into Young Neil's arms at the other end of the
    bar. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy.

    SCOTT
    What the hell?

    KIM PINE
    Look who Knives is hanging with.

    RAMONA
    Who is that girl again?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Scottdatedher.

    SCOTT
    Briefly. Briefly.

    KIM PINE
    I bet Young Neil will date her even
    briefly-er.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 74.

    73 CONTINUED: 73

    RAMONA
    How old is she?
    A 'œWHEEL OF FORTUNE' spins INSIDE SCOTT'S HEAD, with
    selections such as 'œIt was nothing' and 'œShe was nobody.' The
    wheel sticks between 'œI gotta pee.' and 'œWho, her?'

    SCOTT
    I gotta pee on her.
    (turns beet red)
    I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.

    (SING SONGY)
    Peee time.

    74 INT. LEE'S PALACE, MENS BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 74

    Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS staring
    back, one with fringed hair and a wicked glare!
    Scott whips around. He's alone. SPOOKY MUSIC begins...

    75 INT. LEE'S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 75

    A freaked out Scott returns to the group. The lights dim and
    the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke.
    THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize, ENVY in a long black
    coat. Knives screams her teen brains out.
    The BASS PLAYER steps into the light, no longer shrouded in
    dry ice, he cuts a handsome, striking ROCK GOD figure.

    SCOTT
    That guy on bass? That's Todd.

    RAMONA
    I know.

    ENVY
    Oh yeah...

    SCOTT
    You know?

    ENVY
    Oh yeah...
    Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. Stares at Scott.

    "TODD INGRAM, 25, EVIL-EX #3, FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN"

    SCOTT
    Oh no.
    Envy lets her coat slip off, revealing a stunning figure.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 74A.

    75 CONTINUED: 75

    ENVY

    OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

    76 INT. LEE'S PALACE - LATER 76

    Sex Bob-Omb, Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE doors.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 75.

    76 CONTINUED: 76

    KNIVES CHAU
    Oh my God. Just oh my God.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Man, you have to see them live.
    They're so much better live. Oh.

    SCOTT
    I think I'm going to throw up.
    Julie opens the backstage door and huffs.

    JULIE
    I can't believe I'm even saying
    this, but Envy Adams would like all
    of you to come backstage.

    SCOTT
    All of us?

    JULIE
    Did I fucking stutter?
    The group shuffles backstage. Scott hangs his head like a
    condemned man.

    KNIVES CHAU
    How do you know Envy???

    YOUNG NEIL
    Scottdatedher.
    Knives makes a face that looks like this: >:O !!!!

    77 INT. LEE'S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - NIGHT 77

    SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room. Envy,
    Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them.
    Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. Envy burns
    a hole through Scott. Everyone else feels...'œAWKWARD'.

    TODD INGRAM
    Hey Ramona.

    RAMONA
    Hey Todd.

    TODD INGRAM
    Been a while.

    RAMONA
    Mmm hmm.

    TODD INGRAM
    Mmm hmm.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 76.

    77 CONTINUED: 77

    RAMONA
    (whispers to Scott)
    I think we should get out of here.

    JULIE
    How was the tour? You played with
    The Pixies? You're a superstar now!

    ENVY
    It's-yeah, it's not something I can
    really put into words.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Um...Envy? I read your blog.
    Todd and Julie glare at Knives.

    ENVY
    So...Scott and Ramona eh?

    RAMONA
    What of it?

    ENVY
    You guys are a cute couple, you
    know? You suit each other.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    So what's your ulterior motive
    Envy, in general?

    JULIE
    She doesn't need ulterior motives,
    Stephen. She's got a write-up in
    Spin!

    KNIVES CHAU
    You're my role model Envy.

    ENVY
    Just saying, cute couple. I like your
    outfit Ramona. Affordable?

    JULIE
    I was going to say, Envy. Did you
    get those jeans in New York, they're-

    ENVY
    I'm talking to Ramona right now.

    JULIE
    Ramona lived in New York.

    ENVY
    I was just there. We played the
    Chaos Theatre for Gideon. You know
    him, right?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 76A.

    77 CONTINUED: (2) 77
    Scott looks at Ramona. She is about to answer when...Knives
    stands up, POINTS at Envy and SCREAMS-

    KNIVES CHAU

    I'VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 77.

    77 CONTINUED: (3) 77
    Envy nods at Todd. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW! OMFG!
    Scott jumps to his feet, FACING OFF against Todd Ingram.

    SCOTT
    Knives!?
    Young Neil rushes to Knives' aid. Scott boils. Todd smirks.

    TODD INGRAM
    That's right. I'm not afraid to hit
    a girl. I'm a rock star.

    YOUNG NEIL
    You punched the highlights out of
    her hair!
    ANGLE on Knives. Her hair is black and plain as before.

    YOUNG NEIL
    He punched the highlights. Out. Of.
    Her. Hair.

    ENVY
    You're incorrigible.

    TODD INGRAM
    I don't know the meaning of the word.
    Young Neil escorts Knives out. Todd sits back down like
    nothing happened. Scott's face is a bright shade of rage.

    JULIE
    So, are you guys doing anything fun
    while you're in town?

    TODD INGRAM
    Fun? In Toronto?

    SCOTT
    That is IT, you cocky cock! YOU'LL PAY

    FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!
    Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd.
    Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT IN
    THE AIR. Scott hovers, grasping his neck, choking. Todd's
    hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK.

    SCOTT
    KK...my neck...yy...your hair...

    ENVY
    Didn't you know? Todd's Vegan.

    TODD INGRAM
    It's not a big deal.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 78.

    77 CONTINUED: (4) 77
    Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club's wall!
    Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in
    the wall, to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. He tries
    to keep cool, despite being in a lot of pain.

    SCOTT
    No kidding...anyone can be...vegan.

    TODD INGRAM
    Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.

    SCOTT
    Ovo what?

    TODD INGRAM
    I partake not in the meat nor
    breastmilk or ovum of any creature
    that has a face.

    ENVY
    Short answer: Being vegan just
    makes you better than most people.

    TODD INGRAM
    Bingo.
    Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles into
    the air. Scott sails out of shot and into space.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Hey man, question. I always
    wondered, how does not eating dairy
    products give you psychic powers?

    TODD INGRAM
    You know how you only use ten
    percent of your brain? Well, it's
    because the other 90% is filled up
    with curds and whey.

    KIM PINE
    Did you learn that at Vegan Academy?

    TODD INGRAM
    Go ahead and get snippy baby, if
    you knew the science, maybe I'd
    listen to a word you're saying.
    Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. He moans in pain. While
    the others bicker, Ramona helps Scott to his feet.

    SCOTT
    If I peed my pants, would you pretend
    I just got wet from the rain?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 78A.

    77 CONTINUED: (5) 77

    RAMONA
    It's not raining.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 79.

    77 CONTINUED: (6) 77

    SCOTT
    Oh. How about you give me the Cliff
    Notes on how and why you ended up
    dating this a-hole?

    RAMONA
    Is that really important right now?

    SCOTT
    If there's a key element in his
    backstory that can help me out in a
    critical moment of not dying? Yes.
    A brief, scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and Ramona.

    RAMONA (V.O.)
    I was only dating Lucas until the
    minute Todd walked by. I guess
    that's not very nice, but I used to
    be kind of...like that.
    Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts making
    out with Young Todd.

    RAMONA (V.O.)
    We hated everyone. We wrecked
    stuff. Nobody cared.
    Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. Nobody cares.

    RAMONA (V.O.)
    He punched a hole in the moon for
    me. It was pretty crazy.
    Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. It's pretty crazy.

    RAMONA (V.O.)
    A week and a half later, he told me
    his Dad was sending him to the
    Vegan Academy, so I dumped him.
    Does that help you at all?
    The FLASHBACK ends. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.

    SCOTT
    Have you dumped everyone you've
    ever been with? You've never been
    the dumpee?
    Ramona shrugs.

    RAMONA
    Look, I've dabbled with being a
    bitch. It's part of the reason I
    moved here. I was really hoping to
    put it all behind me.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 80.

    77 CONTINUED: (7) 77
    Todd appears behind Ramona - ready for another round.

    TODD INGRAM
    We have unfinished business, I and he!
    Scott stands up - sort of ready for another round.

    SCOTT
    He and me.

    TODD INGRAM
    Don't you talk to me about grammar!

    SCOTT
    I...dislike you. Capiche?
    Understand?

    TODD INGRAM
    Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.

    SCOTT
    What?

    TODD INGRAM
    Because you'll be dust by Monday.

    SCOTT
    Um...

    TODD INGRAM
    Because I'll be pulverizing you in
    two seconds. And the cleaning
    lady...cleans up...dust. She dusts.

    SCOTT
    Sorry, so what's on Monday?

    TODD INGRAM
    Cos it's Friday now and she has
    weekends off, so...Monday. Right?

    ENVY
    Basically, you can't win this fight
    and you'll have to give up on this
    girl, ' ̃cos Todd is going to kill
    you.

    SCOTT
    You used to be so...nice!
    Scott CHARGES at Todd, who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the
    club. We hear a distant CRUMP. Stills calls through the hole.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Uh, we're going to Pizza Pizza for
    a slice, call us when you're done.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 80A.

    77 CONTINUED: (8) 77

    ENVY
    Oh, he'll be done real soon.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 81.

    77 CONTINUED: (9) 77
    Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. Envy grins at Ramona, wicked.

    ENVY
    Sorry, baby. Crummy way to end
    things, I know.
    Suddenly, the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through
    the walls. Todd calls to a roadie.

    TODD INGRAM
    Get me my bass. The good one.

    78 INT. LEE'S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 78

    SCOTT stands in an elephant's graveyard of plastic cups and
    bottles, picking the hell out of his bass, amp pegged to 10.
    TODD INGRAM levitates, floating towards Scott with his bass.

    TODD INGRAM
    You're going down. Vegan Style!
    Todd lands in front of Scott. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE STRING!
    Todd easily out-basses Scott, shredding him into oblivion.
    The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott.

    SCOTT
    The reverb is hurting my soul!!!
    Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the wall.
    Todd LEVITATES, fauxhawk rising. He hovers next to him.

    TODD INGRAM
    That's right, Pilgrim. I actually
    know how to play bass.
    Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS
    Scott right through the stage wall.

    79 INT. LEE'S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA- CONTINUOUS 79

    Scott crashes into a backstage food table. Todd floats toward
    him, savoring the kill. Envy appears beside him with a smirk.

    TODD INGRAM
    I can read your thoughts. Your bass
    hand is badly injured. You're through.
    Scott turns around on his knees, cringing, holding a cup of
    MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering.

    SCOTT
    What say we drink to my memory?
    Fair trade blend with soymilk?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 81A.

    79 CONTINUED: 79

    ENVY
    I'm sorry, but that's pathetic.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 82.

    79 CONTINUED: (2) 79

    TODD INGRAM
    Dude. I can see in your mind's eye
    that you poured Half & Half into one
    of these coffees in an attempt to
    make me break vegan edge. I'll take
    the one with soy. Thanks, tool.
    Todd floats to the ground, takes one of the cups and drinks.

    SCOTT
    Actually, I poured soy in this cup,
    but thought real hard about pouring it
    in that one. You know, in my mind's
    eye or whatever.

    TODD INGRAM
    What are you talking about?

    SCOTT
    You just drank Half & Half.
    TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL, making two
    more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons.

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS
    Freeze! Vegan Police!

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
    Todd Ingram, you're under arrest
    for veganity violation code number
    827, imbibement of Half & Half!

    TODD INGRAM
    That's bullroar!

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
    No vegan diet, no vegan powers.

    TODD INGRAM
    But this is a first offense! Don't
    I get three strikes?
    Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
    At 12:27 a.m. on February 1st, you
    knowingly ingested Gelato.

    TODD INGRAM
    Gelato isn't vegan?

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
    Milk and eggs, bitch.

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
    On April 4th, 7:30 p.m., you partook
    a plate of Chicken Parmesan.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 83.

    79 CONTINUED: (3) 79
    Envy gasps, disgusted.

    TODD INGRAM
    Chicken isn't vegan?

    VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
    The deveganizing ray! Hit him.
    The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their
    finger guns. Todd's fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.

    TODD INGRAM

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line...

    SCOTT
    You once were a vegone, but now you
    will be gone!

    TODD INGRAM
    Vegone?
    Scott HEADBUTTS TODD, exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts
    himself off as COINS rain down. Envy stares, jaw ajar.

    SCOTT
    Uh, sorry I guess.

    ENVY
    Sorry? You just headbutted my
    boyfriend so hard he burst.

    SCOTT
    You kicked my heart in the ass. So
    I guess we're even. Natalie.

    ENVY
    No one calls me that anymore.

    SCOTT
    Maybe they should. Now let's get
    out of here.
    A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall.
    Ramona follows, shooting Envy a look on the way out.

    RAMONA
    Crummy way to end things, I know.
    Envy blinks, in shock. Julie pops into shot.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 84.

    79 CONTINUED: (4) 79

    JULIE
    For the record, I am so pissed off
    for you right now.

    ENVY
    Shut the fuck up, Julie.

    80 INT. PIZZA PIZZA - NIGHT 80

    Sex Bob-Omb, Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices.
    Ramona and Scott, on the fringes. It's an odd mood.

    WALLACE
    Envy Adams. I hate that bitch so
    much I kind of love her.

    OTHER SCOTT
    Yeah. That Todd guy was cool too.
    And hot. I liked him.
    Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead.

    RAMONA
    Are you okay?

    SCOTT
    Uh huh.

    RAMONA
    You sure about that?

    SCOTT
    Do I look like I'm not okay?
    Scott does not look okay. Stills coughs.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    We're still going to the after show
    right?

    KIM PINE
    I'm not sure it's gonna be much of
    a party, I think a third of the
    band just went 'œpoom'.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Cool bands never go to their own
    after parties. It's just the
    desperate people trying to rub
    elbows with label guys.

    KIM PINE
    Then why would we...oh.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Neil, you down?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 85.

    80 CONTINUED: 80
    Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. He shrugs.

    STEPHEN STILLS (CONT'D)
    Scott? You're in right?

    RAMONA
    Do you want to go?

    SCOTT
    I kind of almost died back there, so...

    RAMONA
    I'm not saying I want to go.

    SCOTT
    Hey, we can totally go.

    RAMONA
    I'll do whatever you want to do.

    SCOTT
    So let's go.
    Scott takes another bite. Other Scott whispers to Wallace.

    OTHER SCOTT
    Are Scott and Ramona fighting?

    WALLACE
    Not to my knowledge.

    OTHER SCOTT
    Oh.

    WALLACE
    I mean, not with fists.

    OTHER SCOTT
    Oh.

    WALLACE
    Yet.

    OTHER SCOTT
    Ooh.

    81 EXT. AFTER PARTY - NIGHT 81

    The whole gang trudge to the after party. Scott limps a bit,
    lagging behind. Ramona falls back with him.

    RAMONA
    We really don't have to go to this
    thing. It'll probably be a bad
    scene all around and we've already
    had a full night.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 85A.

    81 CONTINUED: 81

    SCOTT
    No, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just-

    RAMONA
    It's just...?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 86.

    81 CONTINUED: (2) 81

    SCOTT
    Well, not that fighting harder and
    harder battles for your love is
    getting old or anything...but have
    you ever dated someone who wasn't a
    total ass?

    RAMONA
    So far you're not a total ass.

    SCOTT
    But I'm part ass?

    RAMONA
    If it makes you feel better, you're
    the nicest guy I've dated.

    SCOTT
    Wait...is that good?

    RAMONA
    It's what I need right now.

    SCOTT
    But not...later?

    RAMONA
    Scott, I don't have all the
    answers. I'd just like to live in
    the moment if I can.

    SCOTT
    Yeah, I'd just like to live.
    Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE.

    82 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS 82


    RAMONA
    Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But
    are you saying Envy wasn't? We all
    have baggage.

    SCOTT
    My baggage doesn't try and kill me
    every five minutes. What did you do
    to your ex-boyfriends to make them
    so insane?

    RAMONA
    Exes.

    SCOTT

    WHATEVER-

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 87.

    82 CONTINUED: 82

    RAMONA
    No break up is painless. Someone
    always gets hurt. What about you
    and that girl Knives?

    SCOTT
    Knives?

    RAMONA
    Who broke up with who?

    SCOTT
    I believe...I broke up with her.

    RAMONA
    And was she cool with that?

    SCOTT
    Knives is with Young Neil now,
    she's totally cool with it.
    They pass Knives and Young Neil. She seemingly has no
    interest in her date and simply stares at Scott lovingly.

    RAMONA
    You sure about that?

    SCOTT
    Yeah. She's very mature for her
    age. It was a very healthy break
    up. We're all peaches and gravy.
    We hear an offscreen distant ' ̃nooooo' from Knives.

    RAMONA
    And what about you and Kim?
    They pass Kim. She's also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.

    SCOTT
    Me and Kim? I can barely remember.
    Why, is it important?

    RAMONA
    Hey, you want to know everything
    about my past, dude.

    SCOTT
    It was just...yeah. I don't know.
    It was high school. She had
    freckles. It was cool, I guess.

    RAMONA
    That's it?

    SCOTT
    Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 88.

    82 CONTINUED: (2) 82
    Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party.

    RAMONA
    That's really the whole story?

    SCOTT
    OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get
    with her! I fought a crazy eighty
    foot tall purple suited dude! And I
    had to fight 96 guys to get to him,
    too! He was flying and shooting
    lightning bolts from his eyes! He
    was totally awesome and I kicked
    him so far he saw the curvature of
    the earth! Does that make you feel
    any better?

    RAMONA
    Well now you are being a total ass.
    Welcome to the club.
    In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection:
    fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.

    SCOTT
    Sorry. I'm not usually like this.

    RAMONA
    Hey, don't worry. I don't know what
    I'm like anymore.

    SCOTT
    I guess this whole ex-boyfriends thing
    is really messing with my head.

    RAMONA
    Exes.

    SCOTT
    Why do you keep saying-
    PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the
    head, sending him flying across the dance floor.
    Scott looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER!

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Girl from earlier?

    RAMONA
    Roxy?
    Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle.

    SCOTT
    You know this girl?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 89.

    82 CONTINUED: (3) 82

    ROXY
    Oh boy, does she know me.

    SCOTT
    What...is...she...talking about?

    ROXY
    He really doesn't know?

    SCOTT
    (ping!)
    You and her?!

    'œROXY RICHTER, 23, 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE.'

    RAMONA
    It was just a phase.

    ROXY
    Just a phase?

    SCOTT
    You had a sexy phase?

    RAMONA
    I didn't think it would count! It
    meant nothing.

    ROXY
    It meant nothing???

    RAMONA
    I was just a little bi-curious.

    ROXY
    Well honey, I'm a little bi-furious!
    Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott's face. Ramona CATCHES
    her foot mid-air. Roxy flips out of the hold.

    RAMONA
    Do that again and I will end you.

    ROXY
    Back off hasbian. If Gideon can't
    have you, no one can. The League
    hath spoken.
    The girls square off, clearing the busy dance floor.

    RAMONA
    Then Gideon best get his pretentious
    ass up here, ' ̃cos I'm about to kick
    yours out of the Great White North.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 90.

    82 CONTINUED: (4) 82

    ROXY
    You unbelievable bitch.
    RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse.

    RAMONA
    Believe it.
    An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd.

    SCOTT
    Wallace?

    WALLACE
    Uh huh?

    SCOTT
    This is happening right?

    WALLACE
    Uh huh.

    SCOTT
    I mean, this is live?

    WALLACE
    Oh yeah. KICK HER IN THE BALLS,

    RAMONA!
    With blinding speed, Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A
    RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona
    CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES
    into a DISCO BALL. Mirrored shards fly everywhere.
    PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. It
    smashes a speaker. Sound on one side of the room cuts out.
    Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy's deadly belt
    SAILING towards her. She BLOCKS with the hammer. The belt
    wraps around it. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window.

    ROXY
    I'm sending you back to Gideon in a
    thousand pieces, you slag.
    Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture, LEAPING
    towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Roxy REELS and
    SLAMS into the wall, leaving a dent in it.

    RAMONA
    I'd rather be dead than go back.
    He's a creep, you're a bitch and
    you all deserve each other.

    ROXY
    Give it a rest, Ramona. This is a
    League game.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 90A.

    82 CONTINUED: (5) 82

    RAMONA
    Meaning?
    Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott.

    ROXY
    Meaning your precious Scott must
    defeat me with his own fists. Or
    possibly feet.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 91.

    82 CONTINUED: (6) 82

    SCOTT
    I'm not sure I can hit a girl.
    They're soft.

    RAMONA
    You don't have a choice.
    Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy CHARGES
    with deadly intent. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a furious
    volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. She staggers, winces.

    ROXY
    Fight your own battles, lazy ass!
    PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and Ramona,
    kicking them apart with the splits. Roxy then KICKS Scott
    into the ceiling. He lands HARD on the floor.

    ROXY (CONT'D)
    Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his
    journey. Some sooner than others.
    Roxy lifts her leg over her head, preparing to drop her boot
    of DEATH on Scott's head. She grins at Ramona.

    ROXY (CONT'D)
    Your B.F's about to get F'd in the B!

    RAMONA
    Her weak point's the back of her knees!

    SCOTT
    What? How does that work?

    RAMONA
    Whenever we were making out, I-

    SCOTT
    Okay.
    As Roxy's leg descends, Scott reaches up with one finger and
    lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy's knee.

    GRAPHIC: 'œTICKLE TICKLE!'

    ROXY
    Oh...
    Roxy falls, still in the splits, throbbing with orgasmic
    meltdown. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms.

    ROXY (CONT'D)
    You'll...never...be able to do this
    to herrrrrrrrrrr!
    Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. A spent
    Scott is left standing in the middle of the room.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 91A.

    82 CONTINUED: (7) 82
    The party starts up again, a wave of gossip spreading around
    the room. People text furiously and point fingers at Scott.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 92.

    82 CONTINUED: (8) 82
    Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. Ramona
    follows tentatively. The gossip echoes around them.

    RAMONA
    Sooooo...

    SCOTT
    Two gin and tonics please.

    RAMONA
    I thought you didn't drink.

    SCOTT
    Only on special occasions. Why? Did
    you want one?
    Scott swigs down his drink. Ramona tries to lighten things.

    RAMONA
    I guess we really don't know that
    much about each other do we?
    Scott seems immediately drunk.

    SCOTT
    Maybe you could just give me a list
    of all your exes so at least I know
    who's going to beat my ass into the
    ground next.

    RAMONA
    Oh, like a handy little laminate or
    something? Let me see if I can find one.
    (looks through bag)
    Maybe we could exchange our information.
    Scott has already downed his second drink.

    SCOTT
    Just out of sheer curiosity and
    concern for my mortal well-being,
    is there anyone at this party you
    haven't slept with?

    EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY

    HEY!
    Ramona stops. Looks hurt. She touches her hair.

    RAMONA
    I really think we should split.

    SCOTT
    As in ' ̃get out of here'? Or as in
    ' ̃split split'?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 92A.

    82 CONTINUED: (9) 82

    RAMONA
    I'd hope you could figure that out.
    Or did you miss the part where I
    saved your ass?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 93.

    82 CONTINUED: (10) 82

    SCOTT
    How could I not? I feel like we just
    washed our sexy laundry in public.

    RAMONA
    Dirty laundry. You're drunk.

    SCOTT
    (holds up 2 fingers)
    I've had like one drink.

    RAMONA
    Well I'm sorry I cared. I don't
    enjoy all this Scott. In fact I'm
    sick of it. I thought you might be
    more understanding.

    SCOTT

    I JUST-

    RAMONA
    You're just another evil ex-
    boyfriend waiting to happen.
    Ramona walks off and loudly announces.

    RAMONA (CONT'D)
    And yes, there is someone at this
    party I haven't slept with. You.
    Ramona leaves. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around the
    room. Scott's friends gather round in a pity party.
    But then - Ramona returns, handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST.

    RAMONA (CONT'D)
    P.S. Here's your stupid list.
    Ramona exits proper. Scott looks at the list. It reads-

    'œPATEL, LEE, INGRAM, RICHTER, KATAYANAGI TWINS, GIDEON...'

    SCOTT
    Who the hell are the Katayanagi Twins?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    You don't know?

    83 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - NIGHT 83

    Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS,
    identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave fops.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    They're the next band in the battle
    and they are badass.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 94.

    83 CONTINUED: 83
    We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The
    rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona.

    KIM PINE
    Ramona dated twins?

    SCOTT
    Apparently.

    YOUNG NEIL
    At the same time?

    SCOTT
    You know what? I don't know and I
    don't want to know.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Good. You know how I feel about
    girls cockblocking the rock.

    SCOTT
    Good. I play better in a bad mood.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    If it's gonna be an issue though,
    Young Neil can fill in for you.

    SCOTT
    It's not an issue. You know bands,
    I know battles. We got it covered.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Well, we'd understand if you didn't
    want to take part.

    SCOTT
    Not only do I want to take part. I
    want to take them apart.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Okay. I'm getting tingles.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Whoa...

    84 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 84

    Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Okay. We're doomed.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Oh...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 94A.

    84 CONTINUED: 84
    Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue;

    'œT.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS

    AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!'

    KIM PINE
    That flyer needs more exclamation marks.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 95.

    84 CONTINUED: (2) 84

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Oh, we are going to get killed.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Come on. You're onstage in five.

    SCOTT
    Aren't the Katamaris or whatever on
    first?

    YOUNG NEIL
    I think you're both on first?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Wait...amp versus amp? We're going
    on stage at the same time?

    SCOTT
    That's impossible-

    85 INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT 85


    'œACTUALLY, NO'
    Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a
    MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-OMB,
    with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them.

    SCOTT
    Okay. My bad.

    KIM PINE
    Your bad is saying my bad.
    Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating behind
    their instruments. Stills looks into the audience positioned
    between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE TEENS.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    We shouldn't even be here. We
    shouldn't even be here.
    Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back.

    SCOTT
    Come on man! I put aside my
    problems for the music. If I can do
    that, we can do anything.

    KIM PINE
    Did you speak to Ramona then?

    SCOTT
    What? No. I haven't seen her since
    the other night.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 95A.

    85 CONTINUED: 85

    KIM PINE
    Oh. She's totally here.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 96.

    85 CONTINUED: (2) 85
    Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. She is totally there. Her
    hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN, and she stands next to a
    nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed glasses.
    They are chatting. She looks happy. Scott turns bleak again.

    KIM PINE
    Scott? Not that I care...but you should
    talk to her before she's gone...

    SCOTT

    THANKS KI-

    KIM PINE
    And I really don't care.
    Scott nods at Kim's advice. He looks back to the crowd to
    find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. Then-
    Disorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage.
    A wall of FEEDBACK builds...THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear,
    sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands.
    KYLE KATAYANAGI, 23, is very serious and Japanese. KEN
    KATAYANAGI, 23, is serious and very Japanese.
    Scott, Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Okay gang. Can we do this? I mean,
    we can do this. Right?

    KIM PINE
    Right.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Scott?
    Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at him.

    KIM PINE
    Scott!
    Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard, blasting
    an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. It's so loud that
    it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting rig from the
    ceiling, leaving a huge hole in the roof. The crowd cheers.

    AUDIENCE DUDE (O.S.)
    They brought the house down.
    Now an open air venue, SNOW falls onto the stage. An earth
    shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb...
    Scott and Stills get into battle position. Scott screams!

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 97.

    85 CONTINUED: (3) 85

    SCOTT

    WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO

    MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET

    SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4!
    Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT, their sound blowing a mass of snow
    towards the Katayanagis. For once, they sound awesome.
    Kyle looks at Ken. They share a nod. Ken turns their amps up
    to the Japanese character for 'œ11'. Their waveforms transform
    the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON!
    Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from
    the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS
    SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers.
    Scott, Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their instruments.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Let's break up now and get it over
    with. We screwed the pooch in front
    of Gideon Graves. We're done.

    SCOTT
    Gideon...is here? Where?
    Stills points to the 'œMystery Geek', who smirks and whispers
    in Ramona's ear. This is GIDEON GRAVES, 37, ASSHOLE.

    SCOTT
    That's Gideon?
    Scott's eyes reflect Ramona's hair and turn GREEN. He
    struggles to his feet. The crowd slowly stops clapping as
    Scott pulls Stills to his feet, then helps Kim up.

    SCOTT
    Alright. Let's do this!
    Kim, inspired by Scott's new hardcore attitude, comes in
    heavy on the kick drum. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!
    Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms
    transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI!
    The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and their
    Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb, slinking on perfect
    beat with the Katayanagis' spooky music.
    The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage, fighting in
    time to the music!
    Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce
    PUNCHES. The Yeti brings it's fists down on The Dragon. Sex
    Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE:

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 98.

    85 CONTINUED: (4) 85
    The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the Katayanagi
    Twins, EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS.

    'œ+999 ROCKING'

    KIM PINE
    That...was epic.
    The crowd goes bazooky. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears,
    hovering next to Scott.
    Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd, but she and Gideon are
    gone. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Scott. What are you doing?

    SCOTT
    Getting a life.
    Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the still-
    applauding crowd. He can't find Ramona, but comes upon KNIVES
    standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I just came to see the show. I'm
    not even stalking you.
    Knives's unusally composed demeanor gives Scott pause.

    SCOTT
    You seem... different.
    Knives shrugs, different.

    KNIVES CHAU
    I feel like I know stuff now.
    Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott suddenly spots a flash of
    GREEN HAIR exiting the building.

    SCOTT
    Ramona...
    Scott follows. Knives watches him go, eyes narrowing.

    86 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 86

    Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue.

    SCOTT
    Ramona. I have something I need to
    tell you.

    RAMONA
    Yeah, I have something to-

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 98A.

    86 CONTINUED: 86

    SCOTT

    (RUSHED)
    Great. Listen, I know you just play
    mysterious and aloof to avoid
    getting hurt. I know you have
    reasons for not wanting to talk
    about your past. And I want you to
    know, I don't care about any of
    that stuff. Why? Because I'm in
    lesbians with you.

    RAMONA
    What?

    SCOTT
    I really, really mean it.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 99.

    86 CONTINUED: (2) 86

    RAMONA
    Oh. Okay.

    SCOTT
    What did you want to tell me?

    RAMONA
    That we have to break up.

    SCOTT
    What?

    RAMONA
    Yeah...it's not going to work out.

    SCOTT
    Oh okay...
    A sleek black ' ̃61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind.

    RAMONA
    It's Gideon. I just...I can't help
    myself around him.

    VOICE (O.S.)
    That's the bad news.
    GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in
    tow. The Lincoln parks. A driver opens the passenger door.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    The good news, Scottie, is I'm
    officially loving the Sex Bombs.

    SCOTT
    Bob-omb.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Three piece rock outfit with a semi-
    attractive female drummer? Music to
    my earholes.
    Scott glowers. Ramona looks at the floor. Stills is ga-ga.
    TEXT: An arrow points to Stills' crotch, captioned 'œPEE'.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    You know, I'm not even going to wait
    to see how you guys do in the final.
    I'm signing you right now for a three
    album deal.
    Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    See? I'm not such a bad guy after
    all.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 99A.

    86 CONTINUED: (3) 86
    Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 100.

    86 CONTINUED: (4) 86

    SCOTT
    You think we're gonna sell our
    souls to you? Well then guess-
    We hear SCRIBBLING. Stills has picked up the contract and is
    furiously signing it using Scott's back. Kim shrugs and signs
    it too, before trying to hand it back to Scott.

    SCOTT
    Nuh-uh. I can't be part of the band
    with this douche-in-charge.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Scottie, buddy, can I just say,
    keep your emotions in check. Don't
    let what's past screw up your
    future.
    Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. She rolls the
    mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own reflection.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    The people need to hear us, Scott.

    SCOTT
    Then you're going to need to find
    someone else to play bass.
    A cough. A meek Young Neil slides into view, bass in hand.

    GIDEON
    Looks like we're all set.
    Young Neil signs the contract. There are hand shakes all
    round. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder.

    GIDEON
    Oh and Scott, we should really be
    thanking each other. I mean, if it
    wasn't for me, you would have never
    been with Ramona, but if it wasn't
    for you, she wouldn't be back with
    me. So I guess it all shakes out.
    Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln.

    GIDEON
    And hey, the whole League of Evil
    Exes thing? I was in a dark place
    when I put that together. Forgiven?
    Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex
    Bob-Omb drift away. Scott stands alone. He slaps his head-

    SCOTT
    I said ' ̃lesbians'!

    INTEGRATED FINAL 100A.

    87 INT. THE BUS / GIDEON'S LINCOLN - NIGHT 87

    Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Ramona...
    Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon's car...
    Scott tries desperately to think positive...
    A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 101.

    87 CONTINUED: 87
    Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his head
    on a telephone pole. 'œTHONK'.

    'œOH GOD WHY'

    A88 EXT. THE PARK - NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT A88

    Scott sits on the swings, staring straight ahead.
    Night turns to day. Day turns to night.
    Scott remains in the exact same position.

    STACEY (O.S.)
    Was she really the one?
    Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him.

    SCOTT
    The wha?

    STACEY
    I mean, did you really see a future
    with this girl?

    SCOTT
    Like...with jetpacks?
    Stacey stands to go, gives Scott a hug.

    STACEY
    Time heals all wounds, little
    brother. Maybe next time let's not
    date the girl with eleven evil ex-
    boyfriends.

    SCOTT
    Seven.

    STACEY
    Oh. Well that's not so bad.
    Stacey heads off. Scott looks at the camera.

    88 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 88

    Scott enters. Flicks the light on. Gets a shock.

    SCOTT
    Aaah!

    WALLACE (O.S.)

    TURN OFF THE LIGHT!
    Scott flicks the light off. Over PITCH BLACK...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 102.

    88 CONTINUED: 88

    WALLACE (O.S)
    Presumably you just saw someone's
    junk, and I apologize for that.

    VOICE (O.S.)
    Sorry.

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or
    someone?

    WALLACE (O.S.)
    Or someone.

    VOICE (O.S.)
    It's Chris.

    WALLACE (O.S.)
    It's Chris.

    89 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - LATER 89

    Scott sits in the chair, wrapped in a blanket. SOME GUY lies
    in Scott's usual futon spot (wearing Wallace's monogrammed
    robe). Wallace hands Scott cocoa.

    WALLACE
    Scott, you know I love you. But I
    need my own bed tonight. For sex.

    SCOTT
    Right.

    WALLACE
    I may need it the rest of the week too.

    SCOTT
    Right.
    And the year.

    SCOTT
    I get it.

    WALLACE
    Maybe you can move in with Ramona.
    Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.

    SCOTT
    She's with Gideon.

    WALLACE
    Ah. That sucks. But you know, it's
    probably just because he's better
    than you.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 102A.

    89 CONTINUED: 89
    Scott nods.

    WALLACE
    He'll certainly have better hair.
    Scott nods.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 103.

    89 CONTINUED: (2) 89

    WALLACE
    Either way, I think this fight is over.
    Scott nods.

    WALLACE
    You can sleep on the floor until
    you get somewhere else to stay. I
    got you muffs and blinkers in case
    this might happen.
    Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask.

    SCOTT
    Thanks.
    RINGY RING. Scott stares at the phone. Some guy picks up.

    SOME GUY
    It's for Scott.

    SCOTT

    (TAKES PHONE)
    Hello?

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    Hey, pal. Just wanted to say I feel
    terrible about earlier. I don't
    want any hard feelings, so I
    figured why not be the bigger man
    and give you a call.

    SCOTT
    Is Ramona with you?

    90 INT. GIDEON'S LAIR - CONTINUOUS 90

    Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. He calls off.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    I don't know. Are you with me?

    RAMONA (O.S.)
    Yeah.

    SCOTT (O.S.)

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Geez buddy, it's gonna be alright.

    91 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 91


    SCOTT
    No, I just spilled cocoa on my crotch.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 104.

    91 CONTINUED: 91

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S)
    Sure you did. Well as you know, I'm
    opening a new Chaos Theatre in
    Toronto and The Sex Bobs are
    playing our grand opening tonight,
    and it would feel really weird for
    all of us if you weren't there.
    They just did a sound check and the
    acoustics in here are amazing.

    SCOTT

    (GRIM)
    Yeah. Maybe I'll see you there.

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    I hope so, amigo. I don't want
    anymore bad blood between ex's.
    What do you say?

    SCOTT
    Mm.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Okay laters.
    Click.

    WALLACE (O.S.)
    What a perfect asshole.
    Scott turns, alarmed. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless.

    WALLACE
    Forget what I said earlier. Finish him.

    92 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 92

    Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards a
    group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. A lone HIPSTER
    KID smokes a cigarette, leaning against a warehouse wall.

    HIPSTER KID
    Password?
    Scott shrugs.

    SCOTT
    Whatever.

    HIPSTER KID
    Cool.
    The Hipster Kid waves Scott in.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 104A.

    93 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 93

    The warehouse is empty. Scott follows the sound of music to a
    GATED ELEVATOR. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator.

    HIPSTER KID
    Second password?
    Scott gives the slightest shrug.

    HIPSTER KID
    Cool.
    Scott steps into the elevator. So far so good.

    INTEGRATED FINAL 105.

    94 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 94

    Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND
    LAIR OF COOL SHIT...the CHAOS THEATRE.
    All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate
    snobbery. They are legion, wearing identical outfits; Chuck
    Taylors, skinny jeans. COMEAU holds court among them.

    COMEAU
    Yeah, their first album is so much
    better than their first album.
    Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. SEX BOB-OMB are
    playing onstage, now using SWEET BRAND amps, YOUNG NEIL on
    bass. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Scott!
    Scott pauses, looking up at his former bandmates.

    STEPHEN STILLS (CONT'D)
    Let it go. Don't give him the
    satisfaction.

    SCOTT
    What if I want the satisfaction?

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Well, then you're doomed.

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    Scott Pilgrim!
    Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop a
    BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID. Ramona kneels at his side.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos
    Theatre. Somebody get this man a
    drink! Coke Zero right?
    A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.
    Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR!

    SCOTT
    I'm not here to drink.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    I got no beef with you.

    SCOTT
    What if I have a beef...with you?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 106.

    94 CONTINUED: 94

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Are you still mad about that whole
    thing with the Guild?

    SCOTT
    You mean 'œThe League'?

    GIDEON
    Guild, League, whatever. It's
    ancient history.
    Gideon puts his arm around Ramona.

    SCOTT
    I'll show you how ancient of
    history it is.
    Scott gets into a fighting stance. Gideon loses his cool.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    No use crying over spilt Coke,
    buddy. The lady made her choice and
    we're all gonna have to move on.

    SCOTT
    Well I ain't moving...buddy.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    You want to fight me for her?

    SCOTT
    Was that not clear?
    (to Sex Bob-Omb)
    Was that not clear?
    Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Gideon stands up, flexes.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Now why on earth do you want to do that?

    SCOTT
    Because, I'm in love with her.
    Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A new power comes over Scott. He
    reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty vintage T-
    shirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own chest.

    NARRATOR (V.O.)
    Scott earned the power of love...
    Ramona looks away from Scott. Gideon smiles.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    I think this deserves a song.
    Kimberly?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 107.

    94 CONTINUED: (2) 94
    Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before
    grudgingly launching into a number.

    KIM PINE
    We are Sex Bob-Omb, we are here to
    make money, and sell out and stuff.
    Kim clicks out a fast tempo. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT.

    A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM, ON BEAT.
    Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. He slashes
    at them to the beat, exploding each attacker into COINS.
    Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Ramona. My cane.
    Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the handle.
    He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in there.
    Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other...Gideon descends
    like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott's hands.
    Scott hits the ground HARD, rolling to a stop.

    SCOTT
    Your club sucks, by the way.
    Gideon approaches, to administer a final blow.

    GIDEON
    If my cathedral of cutting edge
    taste holds no interest for your
    tragically Canadian sensibilities,
    then I shall grant you a swift exit
    from the premises. And fast
    entrance into HELLLLLLL.
    Gideon raises his sword. Then from above...

    KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)

    SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!!
    KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of
    Gideon's hands. She lands awkwardly, tripping and falling
    down the side of the pyramid. Gideon chuckles.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    That is priceless.
    Scott looks to Knives, both concerned and amazed. She quickly
    recovers and POINTS a furious finger.

    'œKNIVES CHAU, 18 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC'

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 108.

    94 CONTINUED: (3) 94

    KNIVES CHAU
    You'll pay for what you did to him!

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Listen, Kung Pao Chicken, your old
    old boyfriend brought this all on
    himself. He was warned plenty of
    times. But did he listen? Did he f-

    KNIVES CHAU
    I'm not talking to you. I'm talking
    to HER!
    Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon.

    RAMONA
    What?

    KNIVES CHAU

    YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE

    MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN!
    Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona!

    RAMONA
    You're kidding right?
    Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights
    defensively, redirecting Knives' parries without harming her.

    GIDEON
    You can't say I don't know how to
    put on a show.
    GIDEON lashes out at Scott. He can barely block Gideon's
    tremendous blows, distracted by his duelling exes.

    RAMONA
    What the hell is your deal?

    KNIVES CHAU
    You stole him with your advanced
    American slut technology.
    DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other,
    throwing blocks and punches, KUNG FU STYLE.

    RAMONA
    I don't know what you're talking
    about, I didn't steal anyone.
    Scott lands a KICK to Gideon's chest, sending him flying off
    the edge of the pyramid. He then BLOCKS a punch from Knives
    to Ramona and spins her away, separating them.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 109.

    94 CONTINUED: (4) 94

    SCOTT
    Can we please stop all this
    fighting! Nobody stole anybody.
    Knives, I dated you and then I
    dated Ramona. Okay?

    (BEAT)
    I mean...maybe I kind of forgot to
    tell Knives right away, but...

    KNIVES CHAU
    Then you cheated on me, Scott!

    (EYES NARROWING)
    You cheated on both of us.
    Knives and Ramona both look at Scott, neither amused.

    RAMONA
    You cheated on me with Knives?

    SCOTT
    No! I cheated on Knives. With you.

    RAMONA
    Is there a difference?

    SCOTT
    You weren't wronged?
    Scott breaks into a flop sweat.

    SCOTT
    Right?
    Knives and Ramona stare at Scott.

    GIDEON (O.S.)
    Game over!
    STAB! A sword pierces Scott's chest from behind.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Scottie. You can cheat on these
    ladies all you want, but you
    can't...cheat...death.
    Scott slides off Gideon's sword and falls to the ground...

    TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: 'œDEAD'
    Everything goes white...SAND blows through frame...Scott's
    eyes blink open. He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY...

    95 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - DAY 95

    Scott sits up next to a lone cactus, rubbing his temples.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 109A.

    95 CONTINUED: 95

    SCOTT
    Ugh.
    Ramona appears out of nowhere; fainter than before.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 110.

    95 CONTINUED: (2) 95

    RAMONA
    I'm sorry. Dying probably sucks.

    SCOTT
    You know what sucks? Getting killed
    by THAT guy. Why him?

    RAMONA
    It's complicated.

    SCOTT
    Well, maybe now would be the time
    to get into it. Seeing as I'm about
    to die.

    RAMONA
    Alright... the truth is, it was me
    who was obsessed. I was crazy about
    him. But he ignored me. I was more
    alone when we were together than I
    ever was on my own. That's why I
    had to leave... and that's when he
    started paying attention.

    SCOTT
    So why go back?

    RAMONA
    I can't help myself around him,
    Scott. He just... has a way of
    getting into my head.

    SCOTT
    Well, that's legitimately
    disappointing. I really will leave
    you alone forever now...

    RAMONA
    No. I mean, he literally has a way
    of getting into my head.
    Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head, revealing a
    blinking CHIP implanted on her skull.

    SCOTT
    That is evil.

    RAMONA
    He's like that.
    Ramona covers the chip, self-consciously touching her hair.

    SCOTT
    So this kinda sucks for everybody, eh?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 111.

    95 CONTINUED: (3) 95

    RAMONA
    I'm sorry it had to end this way.
    We had a good run, I guess.

    SCOTT
    You can't say I didn't try. I
    really fought for you back there.

    RAMONA
    Uh-huh.
    The winds blow harder, Ramona seeming to fade away.

    RAMONA
    But someone was fighting pretty
    hard for you back there.
    Scott's eyes go wide with epiphany,

    SCOTT
    Knives?

    RAMONA
    I wish I was ever as fanatically
    devoted to anything as that girl is
    to you.
    Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand.

    SCOTT
    I feel like I learned something. Which
    would be great if I wasn't dead.
    Ramona is gone. Scott slumps to his knees.

    SCOTT
    So...so alone.
    DA-DING. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott.

    SCOTT
    Ahhhhhh...
    We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD, then FAST
    FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. We
    hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart.

    SCOTT

    ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

    96 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 96

    We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace's apartment, as Scott
    enters. He flicks the light on.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 112.

    96 CONTINUED: 96

    SCOTT

    ...AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I

    HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN!

    SOME GUY (O.S.)
    Again?

    WALLACE (O.S.)
    Turn off the light!
    Scott flicks the light off. On PITCH BLACK...

    SCOTT
    Wallace, when my journey began, I
    was living in an ordinary world.
    Ramona skated through my dreams and
    it was like a call to adventure, a
    call I considered refusing. But my
    Mentor, that's you, told me if I
    want something bad enough I have to
    fight for it. So I did. There were
    tests, allies, enemies. I
    approached a deep cave and went
    through a crazy ordeal, during
    which I totally seized the sword.
    Sadly, I died. Then I resurrected!
    Now I realize what I should have
    been fighting for all along. But
    before I do that, I need to ask one
    final favor of you.

    WALLACE (O.S.)
    Sure thing, guy.

    SCOTT
    Could you put a robe on and hand me
    the phone?
    Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp, hands him the phone.

    SCOTT
    Toronto. Chaos Theatre. Gideon
    Graves.

    (BEAT)
    Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling.

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    Scott. I was just about to-

    SCOTT
    Hey, pal. I feel terrible about
    everything. I don't want any hard
    feelings, so I figure why not be
    the bigger man and give you a call.

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    Um...

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 112A.

    96 CONTINUED: (2) 96

    SCOTT
    Sorry, what I meant to say is 'œI'm
    coming over to kill you'.
    Scott hangs up and heads for the door, hardcore.

    WALLACE

    GO KICK THAT GUY'S ASS!
    Wallace stands to high five Scott, exposing his junk.

    WALLACE (CONT'D)
    Ah, sorry.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 113.

    96 CONTINUED: (3) 96

    SCOTT
    You seen one...

    97 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - DAY 97

    Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. The same
    HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall.

    SCOTT
    Your hair looks stupid.
    The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.

    98 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY 98

    Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the ELEVATOR.

    HIPSTER KID
    ' ̃Sup?

    SCOTT
    Whatever.
    Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces, knocking them out.

    99 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 99

    DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S

    UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE...AGAIN.

    COMEAU
    Yeah, their first album is so-
    Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    Scott! Let it go.

    SCOTT
    Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
    Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You
    guys sound better without me. Young
    Neil? You have learned well. From
    this point forward, you shall be
    known as 'œNeil'. And Kim?
    Kim looks at Scott, deadpan as ever.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Sorry about...everything.
    Kim shrugs.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    Sorry about me.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 113A.

    99 CONTINUED: 99
    Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 114.

    99 CONTINUED: (2) 99

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    Scott Pilgrim!
    Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne, Ramona at his side.

    GIDEON GRAVES (CONT'D)
    Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos-

    SCOTT
    Save it. You're pretentious, the club
    sucks, I have beef, let's do it.
    Scott goes straight into fight mode.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    You want to fight me for her?
    Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A strange new power overcomes
    Scott, different than before.

    SCOTT
    No...I want to fight you for me.
    Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty T-
    shirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest.

    NARRATOR (V.O.)
    Scott earned the power of self-respect.

    SCOTT
    Kim?

    KIM PINE

    WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB, AND WE ARE HERE TO

    WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH

    IN!
    Kim drives a hardcore beat. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT.
    HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. Scott swings his
    FLAMING RED SWORD, exploding each attacker into COINS.

    GIDEON GRAVES
    Ramona. My cane.
    Ramona hands Gideon his cane. He unsheathes his SWORD. Scott
    and Gideon RUN towards each other, LEAPING in the air. They
    pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. They land on opposite
    sides of the platform, backs to each other.

    SCOTT
    How's it going back there?

    GIDEON GRAVES
    You dick.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 114A.

    99 CONTINUED: (3) 99
    Gideon falls down. Dead, apparently. Scott calls out.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 115.

    99 CONTINUED: (4) 99

    SCOTT
    Knives! I know you're in here!
    Don't attack Ra-
    Knives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head
    SUPER HARD. We hear a METALLIC KLONK.
    They square off, Ramona staggered, Knives pulling KNIVES.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Steal my boyfriend, taste my steel.
    Scott jumps between them, hands held out.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)

    ENOUGH!
    Knives tries to go around him. Scott GRABS her wrists. She
    kicks him in the face.

    KNIVES CHAU
    No, Scott! This fat ass hurt me and
    I will have my revenge!

    SCOTT
    No, Knives. I hurt you. I cheated
    on you.
    Knives steps back, stunned.

    KNIVES CHAU
    You cheated on me Scott?

    SCOTT
    I cheated on both of you. And I'm
    sorry. I was a different guy back
    then.
    Knives' frown melts. Scott turns to Ramona.

    SCOTT (CONT'D)
    And...you're not a fat ass. She didn't
    mean that. So, are we all good?
    Ramona rubs the back of her head. The CHIP no longer blinks.

    RAMONA
    Never felt better.

    GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
    Are we all done with the hugging
    and learning? I thought we had a
    fight going here.
    All turn to see GIDEON; bloodied, but still grinning, a
    lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 115A.

    99 CONTINUED: (5) 99

    SCOTT
    Oh, you got a fight alright.
    Scott steps into a fighting stance. Knives joins him.

    GIDEON
    Ramona. Are you with me?
    Ramona looks to Gideon, then joins Scott and Knives and
    STRIKES A FIGHT POSE, the three of them ready to rumble.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 116.

    99 CONTINUED: (6) 99

    GIDEON (CONT'D)
    Wrong move, baby.
    Scott ATTACKS with his sword. Gideon BLOCKS, disarms Scott
    with one move, spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the
    hilt of the sword. Scott teeters on the edge of the pyramid.
    Knives throws her knives. Gideon's lightning fast sword
    deflects them, SHING SHING!
    Gideon wheels towards Ramona, expecting her to move. She
    looks doubtful, takes a hesitant step towards him. He grins.

    GIDEON (CONT'D)
    Yeah. You're still my girl.
    Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear.

    RAMONA
    Let's both be girls.
    Ramona knees Gideon in the balls.
    Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. Knives whips off her
    scarf, uses it to wrap up Gideon's sword arm and disarms him.
    Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley of

    FREEZE FRAMES.
    Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a
    PUNCH IN THE NOSE, sending Gideon sliding across the floor.
    Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. He shakes off the
    assault and grins.

    GIDEON
    You made me swallow me gum. That's
    going to be in my digestive tract
    for seven years!
    Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER
    UP - his glasses glow, his HEALTH BAR increases. He makes an
    'œX' with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD.
    He cuts big arcs at Scott, Knives and Ramona. They barely
    dodge him. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in time
    to BLOCK Gideon's attack. The swords create an 'œX'.
    Ramona KICKS. Gideon BLOCKS, knocking her down.
    Gideon swings at Scott. Scott ducks. Knives attacks and
    scores a hit. Gideon hits her back, dropping her.
    SCOTT ATTACKS. They fence. Gideon spins low. Scott leaps in
    the air. Gideon spins again and swings upward. Scott blocks
    with his sword and is sent UP into the air. Gideon jumps
    after him. They CLASH in the air. Scott's sword SHATTERS.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 116A.

    99 CONTINUED: (7) 99
    Scott lands hard. Gideon lands in front of him and raises his
    sword for the kill. Ramona swings Gideon's VELVET ROPE,
    cancelling out Gideon's digital sword.
    Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully
    tumbling down the pyramid. She lands painfully at the bottom.
    Knives and Scott share a look. They Get up and circle Gideon.
    COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott
    punches, sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK
    PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon's face smashes with each
    impact.
    Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass.
    Scott slides Knives through Gideon's legs. From the floor,
    she kicks him in the back of the head, then upends him like a
    wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE, sending him spinning.
    Gideon lands HARD on his knees, defeated. One lens of his
    glasses cracks. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott.

    GIDEON (CONT'D)
    Who do you think you are Pilgrim?
    You think you're better than me?
    I'll tell you what you are. A pain
    in my ass. You know how long it
    took to get all the evil exes'
    contact information so I could form
    this stupid league? Like two hours!
    Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. Not long now...

    GIDEON (CONT'D)
    You're not cool enough for Ramona.
    You're zero. You're nothing. Me?
    I'm what's hip. I'm what's
    happening. I'm blowing up right
    now.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 117.

    99 CONTINUED: (8) 99

    SCOTT
    You're right. I'm not cool enough
    for Ramona. And you got another
    thing right. You are blowing up.
    Right now.
    Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face.
    Gideon's head EXPLODES, his glasses SAILING down the steps of
    the pyramid. Then his body follows suit in an almighty-

    POOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
    SHIMMERING COINS rain down. Scott and Knives kiss.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Whoa...

    KIM PINE
    There goes our deal.

    STEPHEN STILLS
    We're still getting paid, right?
    Kim points to the falling coins.

    KIM PINE
    There goes our deal.

    YOUNG NEIL
    Oh...
    Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins.
    The coin rain continues, silhouetting Scott and Knives in
    their kung fu poses. They share a smile.

    RAMONA (O.S.)
    You two make a good combo.
    Ramona, awake now, makes her way towards them.

    SCOTT
    Yeah?

    RAMONA
    Yeah.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 118.

    99 CONTINUED: (9) 99
    The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Scott picks up Gideon's
    fallen glasses.
    The glasses GLIMMER. GIDEON'S VOICE echoes.

    GIDEON'S VOICE (O.S.)
    You can defeat me...but can you
    defeat...yourself?
    Scott peers into the glimmering lenses, spotting his EVIL
    MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. The glasses dissolve and
    Scott whips around to face...

    KNIVES CHAU
    Negascott!
    NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott, Knives and Ramona. Fringed
    hair. Dark clothes. Evil face.
    Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance.

    SCOTT
    No. This is something I have to
    face on my own.
    The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks forward
    to confront his dark side.
    Scott and Negascott face off. Both take a step forward...

    100-103 OMITTED 100-103

    104 EXT. THE WAREHOUSE - EVENING 104

    Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.
    They look expectantly at the entrance, worried for Scott.
    Then...
    Scott strolls out with Negascott. They chat amiably, shake
    hands and part ways. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona.

    KNIVES CHAU
    What happened?

    SCOTT
    Aw, nothing. We just shot the shit.
    He's a super-nice guy. We actually
    have a lot in common.
    Scott runs his fingers through his hair.

    KNIVES CHAU
    Your hair.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 118A.

    104 CONTINUED: 104

    SCOTT
    What?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 119.

    104 CONTINUED: (2) 104

    KNIVES CHAU
    It's getting really shaggy.
    Scott's HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked.

    SCOTT
    Yeah?

    KNIVES CHAU
    I like it.
    Knives removes the hat from Scott's head, literally taking
    his guard down. Ramona sees this and smiles.

    SCOTT
    You do?
    Scott smiles, then realizes Ramona has gone. He turns to see
    her, pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness.
    Scott calls after her. Steps tentatively away from Knives.

    SCOTT
    Hey... Where are you going?
    Ramona, hoping to slip away, stops and turns back.

    RAMONA
    I dunno. I should probably
    disappear.

    SCOTT
    After all that?

    RAMONA
    It's hard, you know? I came here to
    get away, but the past keeps
    catching up. I'm tired of people
    getting hurt because of me.
    Ramona looks at Knives as she says this.

    SCOTT
    I think I understand.
    Snow begins to fall. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly.

    RAMONA
    I should tahnk you, though.

    SCOTT
    For what?

    RAMONA
    For being the nicest guy I ever
    dated.

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 119A.

    104 CONTINUED: (3) 104

    SCOTT
    That's kind of sad.

    RAMONA

    (ALMOST LAUGHING)
    It is kind of sad.
    She takes his hand briefly, then lets it drop.

    RAMONA
    Well... Bye and stuff.

    SCOTT
    Yeah. And stuff.
    She turns to walk off again. Scott watches, then hears-

    KNIVES (O.S.)
    Go get her.
    Surprised, Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.

    SCOTT
    Wha?

    KNIVES
    You earned it. You've been fighting
    for her all along.

    SCOTT
    But what about you?

    KNIVES
    (totally sweet and sad)
    I'll be fine. I'm too cool for you
    anyway.
    She grins and kisses his cheek.

    KNIVES
    There's someone out there for me.
    We hear a COUGH - Young Neil sidles into frame behind her.
    Guitar still in hand.
    We hear a 2ND COUGH - Nega Scott also sidles into frame.
    Knives doesn't look back, but urges Scott to-

    KNIVES
    Go talk to her. Before she's gone.
    Ramona walks on into the night alone, but then-

    SCOTT (O.S.)
    Hey... mind if I tag along?

    (CONTINUED)

    INTEGRATED FINAL 119B.

    104 CONTINUED: (4) 104
    Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk alongside.

    RAMONA
    You want to come with me?

    SCOTT

    (HOPEFUL)
    I thought maybe we could... try
    again?
    Ramona smiles. She holds out her hand like in the park scene
    earlier. Scott takes it.
    We see the door with the star on it, standing right in the
    middle of the street, snow swirling around it.
    Scott and Ramona walk towards the door, sunrise coming up
    over Toronto, night magically turning to day, winter turning
    to spring.
    Over this magical transformation, we hear a lush rendition of
    ' ̃Ramona' swelling and hear whispers of gossip over Toronto's
    cell phone airwaves.

    JULIE (V.O.)
    Oh my God, can I blow your mind?
    Scott Pilgrim totally threw down
    with Gideon Graves at the grand
    opening of Chaos Theater. Yeah, it
    was apparently awesome.

    STACEY (V.O.)
    Oh my God, it was a HUGE fight. I
    mean bananas. My little brother
    kicked a guy's head off. Literally.
    It was unbelievable. Someone
    seriously should have been filming
    it.
    Scott and Ramona walk through the door. Tilt up to the
    heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars.

    CONTINUE? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

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